To Yesterday's Squirrel (and Other Letters)

To my Starbucks Stalker,

Dear man with a neck beard and oddly stained plaid fedora,

I would address you
by name
if I knew
your name.

Fortunately,
I don't.

You brought me a gingerbread latte 
everyday
for three weeks-
which would be nice
if it hadn't included coming
to my house
on my days off.

We both work for Google-
I work on the second floor,
as a broadband access architect.
You work on the fourth floor-
ironically,
in human resources.

You gave a presentation last week
on sexual harassment in the workplace.

It was like listening
to Paula Deen
give a speech
on healthy eating.