Everyday Dragons

Until Midnight - I

Ellie walked up the stone steps to The Palace. Her nerves sang with frustration and excitement. She counted each step out loud to distract herself from the constant droning echoing through her brain.

"Twelve, thirteen, fourteen..." the numbers were familiar, predictable. No matter how many times she counted them, she knew there would always be seventeen. Her friend, Lily, opened the heavy double doors as Ellie mounted that final step. Music exploded outwards and Ellie felt it like a physical force. Her hands flew to her ears. Lily waited patiently for her to acclimate, smiling as she held open the door. Ellie took a breath, imagining it as a tiny bubble of calm. It would sit within her, grounding her in the chaos and constant motion of the Friday night crowd.

"Drink?" Lily asked, and Ellie nodded. She hadn't heard her friend but it was routine. Drinks always came first.

They walked up to the elegant wood bar. The dance floor was already a writhing mass of sweaty bodies, leaving the velvety red stools by the bar mostly vacant. Ellie wasn't familiar with the bar tender. She looked to her friend for reassurance.

Lily nodded, calling the man's attention. "A diet Coke please. And a water too."

The man raised an eyebrow at the tame order. Lily pointed at her belly, obviously swollen under her flowing empire-waisted top. Ellie looked away. She tried to forget that belly. It was an inconsistency and a herald of more changes yet to come. Her stomach tightened and her hands clenched against her will.

The bar tender pushed two drinks towards them. Ellie winced at the tall, thin glass filled with dark soda.

"Short glass and lime for diet Cokes," a young man said, coming out from a door behind the bar. He filled the order himself, replacing Ellie's drink. The bar tender shrugged and walked away to see to another customer.

"Thanks, Prince Charming," Ellie grinned, taking the drink.

"Any time, Ellie. And for the last time, it's Cam," this was part of the routine too.

"I guess you're actually the King now," she said, priding herself on breaking out of their usual banter. She was already turning to watch the dancers behind her when his warm smile faded a little.

"Ellie," Lily scolded, "it's a bit too soon."

Ellie looked at her friend. Was what she had said wrong? She looked to Cam's face. Was that sadness written across his brow?

"It's okay. Really." Cam's smile grew again and if he looked a little distracted Ellie didn't notice. She cared, the ever-growing tension spreading through her body could attest to that, but her focus was drawn to the pounding rhythm of the music. She began to rock back and forth slightly as she sipped her drink.

After a few moments she realized that her body had been moving autonomously; her rocking had grown more exaggerated without her notice. She looked up at her friend, sheepishly, like a guilty child. Lily smiled, grabbing Ellie's hands and pulling her over to the dance floor.

As usual it felt like diving into a pool of ice water. Her body rejected the proximity to so many other people, and all of her muscles clenched in agitation. For years her Autism would have prevented her from coming to a place like this, to participating in such a celebrated recreational pastime as social dancing. But there was another side to this noisy, crowded space. One that allowed her and the diagnosis she'd been given at two-years old to co-exist.

While she stood frozen, she slowly adjusted, drowning out the noise until only the raw rhythm remained. That constant, mathematical pulse sunk into her body and she began to synchronise with it. Her body rocked in time. She lifted up to the tips of their toes. She shifted her balance from one foot to the other. Sometimes she spun in mad circles. No one really cared. They were here for the same purpose, for that holistic release that came only from moving their bodies with wild abandon.