hey it's me again and i cant sleep again
and now it's worse because i have to sleep because I'm very sick and i dont know why I cant sleep
probably because im overthinking again or yesterday i had a bad dream about someone so important to me, leaving.
And then i woke up crying at 4:00 in the morning and maybe the reason i cant sleep now is because I'm afraid to sleep, I'm afraid to dream about it again and again and again and then realize that it's not actually a dream anymore, that it's true and sleeping means repeating the memory for me
And i still cant sleep
because i dont want to sleep
i dont want to sleep, and probably never want to again or never would if it wasnt for our mortal bodies
if i had a choice i would never go back
because im torn in between.
because my dreamscape is now just as bad as my reality
and there's nowhere i can run to anymore,
except for the times between 1:00 am to 4:00 am
when im stuck in between
when for a moment i can exist and also not exist at the same time.
when the world is quiet
when i am temporarily free
and when i dont have to think about anything.
when i cant sleep
~3:02 am finished typing and im still not asleep
ynsphsasahflkfg;jcosfoiashhsf
-lies
late published.
