1 minute past the time that started it all
after months or i think (lol do i even) a year
of absence
of not being here
my soul says hello.
i wish it didnt though
i wish i was asleep. instead of being here.
instead of thinking. because crap i hate thinking.
i only like it when it's a distraction
cause often times when it's not,
it's a destruction.
and a lot of me has already been destroyed so really i dont have much left to offer
just remnants
that's all there is
what you see as left overs of a colateral damage
is the wholeness of me
i hate thinking
of the wrong events
of the wrong people
of the wrong decisions i made
of this wrong life.
of me.
click clack. the sound of my hands typing on the keyboard fill the room.
im editing my research paper. it's about a universal filter.
not universal enough since it's no use to me
i wish there was some sort of filter for the brain
like i wish sometimes i'd shut up but even when i do i can still hear myself think and i never stop thinking unless i think of something else
and thus why this fail of an impromptu existed
im not even fit to be a writer
to be blatantly honest
i dont finish my stories
atleast here i dont
i construct them in my mind
and nurture them in my head
but i dont write
cause as soon as i do, another story is formed and i cant take care of them all at once whilst writing and giving life and at the same time
i fear i might be bipolar.
but hey,
what's another mental illness added to the list eh am i right?
so this is me
writing here
fucking things up
might as well do it this way than the other
and this is my soul
waving goodbye.
i wish.
🌌
