The Reputation Trap

3.2

Ramona's POV

**TRIGGER WARNING**

When I arrive home, I immediately drop to the ground and start crying. It hurt so much to see my ex dating my friend. The fact that everyone calls Catarina a slut really makes me feel terrible.

I take off my shoes and throw them. I rip off the hair tie in my hair and throw it as well. I start sobbing and sobbing, it was so bad. I felt completely empty, almost like I had nothing left.

I lay on the floor for about 20 minutes and finally got the guts to stand up. I head to the bathroom and look myself in the mirror. My eyeliner and mascara were running down my face. I start crying again.

Without thinking, I go into my kitchen and look for a screwdriver and a pencil sharpener. I look through cabinets and shelves, yet I couldn't find them.

"God damnit, where are they?!" I said to myself as I kept on searching. Then I thought to myself - where do you usually keep those two things? You used to use them a lot. So wouldn't you have it somewhere you'd find it immediately?

I run upstairs as fast as I could and enter my room. I tried to remember where I put it. I check in my drawers, couldn't find anything. I checked my shelves, nothing. I check everywhere, still no luck. Until, I decided to check under my bed.

There was a black box. I grabbed it and opened it. There it was. My screw driver and a pencil sharpener. I unscrewed the screw in the sharpener and the blade comes out.

I drop the screw driver and sharpener and lay the blade on my hand. I stare at it. Do it, I thought to myself. It'll make all your pain go away.

I got up from the floor and sat down on my bed. I sighed and grabbed the blade. I slowly roll up my sleeve. I scratch myself a bit with the blade, just to remember how it feels. I swallowed the lump in my throat and scratch myself a bit more. The scratches turned from white to red. Your all set, Ramona. Now do some more.

I start scratching myself more and more, but harder. I could feel the stinging but I couldn't see any blood. I did it harder and harder until I thought, Fuck it. I pressed the blade on my skin as hard as I could and slid it across. I gasped and saw blood gushing out. There goes my clean wrist.

I start laughing, yet crying at the same time. All my thoughts shut off and I went insanse. I slit again. Another cut. Then I did another. Then another. Then more. Then even more. I went completely out of control.

I finally stopped and my whole arm was covered in blood and cuts. I couldn't feel a thing. I felt numb. But I loved the feeling.

I went into my bathroom across the hall and locked the door. I strip off my clothes until I was in my underwear and bra. I stare at myself in the mirror. I thought to myself, No wonder he doesn't love me. She's super skinny and beautiful. And I'm not.

I weighed myself on the scale and hated the number on it. I started crying. I hate myself. I hate everything. I hate my eyes, my nose, my mouth, my teeth, my hair, my legs, my arms, my stomach, everything.

I started up the bath and once the tub was filled with water, I got in. My cuts stung so bad and I started screaming. Then I calmed down, because the stinging felt so good. I quietly lay in the tub, thinking about what I've just done. I stare at my arm and said, "Goodbye, Ramona."

Ross' POV

"They can't f*cking do that! Music means a lot to me!" I yelled, throwing empty bottles of beer on the ground. I watched as they all shattered. Catarina was standing at the corner, watching me. I grab another empty bottle and throw it at the wall. Catarina had to duck because it almost hit her.