Perfectly Imperfect

chapter 4

  3-19-15
  Dear diary,

  Today was such an AMAZING day! There were some bad things here and there but overall it feels like my life has changed, in a good way too. "It feels like I breathed new air into my lungs.", as Tris Prior once said in the book "Divergent". To me right now it seems like that quote basically speaks my life. It's like my life is finally going good again, I was going down on the rollar coaster for a while but now all I'm doing is going up. It's so weird and different to actually feel happy again. I don't know why but lately it seemed like I was stuck in an abyss of sadness and I've escaped it, it's amazing to have finally escaped.

  Okay, so I guess I should explain why I'm in such a good mood. It all started this morning when my best friend, Jade and I were hanging out with our friend Dan in our holding area, the gym. All morning Jade was helping me set up an Instagram . I'm not allowed to have an Instagram for God knows why, so I made my name "Sky". Sky is my middle name but I doubt if my mom ever stumbled across the page she would know it's mine, but just to be sure I made the account private. (I'm such a rebel right?!)- this is obviously sarcasm if you can't catch on, but yeah I never do stuff like that. I always follow the rules and listen to what "mommy and daddy" have to say. It's nice to actually have something that I can have to myself that they won't constantly look over, like my Facebook page. Oh my lord all they ever do is look at my Facebook page.

  Anyways, while we were setting up the account Kate ran in the gym with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes were bloodshot and poofy. She was breathing heavily and wouldn't stop crying. It broke my heart to see her like that. Jade and I were too amazed to see her like this that we had no clue what to say to her. I mean what is there to do? Besides hug her?

  I'll give you a play by play of how everything went down...

"'My parents saw my cuts!", she bawled.

Jade and I just looked at her in astonishment and hugged her there was nothing else to really do. We both hugged her and she continued her story,"My mom questioned me on why I've been wearing only long sleeves. I tried to avoid the question but she lifted my sleeves up and saw my cuts. All morning she screamed at me saying how she wanted me to stop and that I had no logical reason to harm myself." As Kate talked she began to sob, I don't blame her...I would cry too if my parents saw my scars. People cut as a way to escape from their problems, it helps us cope with life and once someone discovers the way we escape they think of us differently.

  I don't get why people disapprove of cutting and self harming. Okay okay, that sounds insane let me rephrase that. I don't think some people understand the valid reasons behind self harming. Everyone escapes from pain in their own way, some drink, some cry, some listen to music, and well some self harm. It helps us escape from our problems and in just those few seconds it helps everything disappear. Now I probably sound insane... great. I swear I'm not insane...just a little crazy.

  Anyways back to the story.Apparently Kate's day thankfully got better though.She told me that when she got home her parents were really understanding about it, and that they were going to be there for her. (Not necessarily understanding, they were more heartbroken and really sad that their daughter would do that to herself, but they weren't like insane enough to send her to a therapist like they threatened to later on.)In my opinion that's a really cool thing, he parents could have sent her to a rehab center right on the spot, but they didn't. Her parents are willing to help her, and that's awesome. I'm happy that she's finally out of the corner she's been stuck in lately.

  Now I know what you're about to ask "Why was your day so good? It started off with one of your best friends crying." Well you see my day is so amazing because I feel like I'm finally myself again. That probably doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but to me it does. Recently, I've been a jealous, cruel, ciniving bitch and that isn't me. I don't know what it is but something inside me told me to stop, and I did. I'm on good terms with everyone I love and care about especially Parker.

"Who is this Parker?", you may ask. Well you see, him and I have been on and off lately. By on and off I mean dating and breaking up. I'm not playing him and he's not playing me, it's just that we can never get each other at the right time. That probably makes no sense whatsoever. Let me try and reak it down into easy terms... I love him, and he loves me. We don't need to date to prove that, everyone knows it, there's no denying it. I know I'm only in 7th grade, but to me what I feel is love. Maybe it's not love but at least I can say that at the time I do believe I love him.

  Well I guess that's it for now... my hectic life is finally seeming to settle. It's nice to e done with all those rough patches. Hopefully it stays this way, I'm finally happy. Til then...

xoxo,
         Dakota