Perfectly Imperfect

chapter 2

3-14-15

Dear diary,

  Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing,like if I were to die today no one would shed a single tear over me. I don't feel as happy as I was last year. Last year around this time I was dating Adam,who at the time I believed I loved. I miss how carefree my life was when I was dating him. At the time I was extremely popular and I didn't have a worry in the world.

  What ever happened to that old me? The fun girl who lived in the moment? Now it seems like all I ever do is worry. I worry about stupid things like grades, friends, boys, drama, and most of all family problems. Some days I swear I'm just jinxed. Whenever I take a step up on the roller coaster I fall back down to the bottom.

  For those of you reading I bet you must think I'm the biggest "drama queen" ever, but I swear I'm the complete opposite. I just feel extremely sad right now because of my so called friend Grace. I was really close to her this year until she started dating Adam.

  In 6th grade the only reason Adam broke up with me was because there were rumors spreading around school saying that I was going to dump him. Sadly, it was just a rumor I wasn't going to break up with him. However, Adam believed the idiotic rumors and broke up with me the next day. Two days after that he began dating another girl. I was heart broken at the time, I mean I actually believed that I found love! As time went on by though I began to get over him. I realized that I didn't need a guy like him that would break my heart.

  Anyways, back to Grace. I told her that I didn't care if she dated him and that I was over Adam. However, only half of what I said was true. I am 100% over Adam but I do care that Grace is dating him. You just don't go out with one of your best friend's ex. It's practically against girl code.

  I don't even know who to talk to about my multiple dilemmas in life. It feels like I'm enclosed into a corner. I wish I could just die and be gone forever. Sometimes the pain is that unbearable.

  I don't even who I can depend on. I wish I could just give up on it all, but something deep inside of me keeps telling me go hang in there. What should I do? Let me rephrase that... What can I do?

love,
Dakota