A Fatal Attraction

Anabelle

"Me? You were thinking about me?" I say in disbelief. Why was he thinking about me? Have I done something wrong? Said something I shouldn't have? I am worried now and I can feel myself start to blush. "I was thinking about you because you made it seem as if yesterday had never happened, I almost forgot about it." I am in shock, I didn't think he would remember. I set up today purposefully for that, so he wouldn't remember yesterday, so he would forget about the cuts. The food and writing was a distraction and I was acting completely normal, no hints or anything like that. "Oh," I say not really sure what to do next. I feel something on my left arm and look down to see what is there, it's nothing, it's me, I am itchy. My anxiety kicks in and I feel like I could vomit, pass out and spontaneously combust all at the same time. Chase must notice as he puts a hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay?" He asks, concern heavy in his voice. I nod not trusting my voice in this moment, "You are awfully pale, are you sure you're alright?" I feel the wave of dizziness hit me and I sway slightly, Chase holds me and lays me down so I don't pass out.  

After about 5 minutes I calm down and my hands stop shaking, I look over at Chase who has a look of deep concern on his face. I flash him a small smile and he doesn't return it, I feel my worry start to return and I look away. "What was that?" Chase asks, not holding back his question. I look back to him to see his face contorted with concern, his jawline firmly set. "It was just a small panic attack," I say "I get them often, it's not a huge deal." I instantly regret my words because the look on his face changes from one of concern to one of shock, "I'm sorry what?" Chase asks, "You get them all the time? And you haven't told anyone?!" His voice gets louder as he speaks causing me to flinch a little. "Please be a bit quieter," I say in a small voice, " And I haven't told anyone, I don't know why but I haven't." His face changes to an expression that I can't read, then when he speaks his voice is soft but with a deep rooted concern to it. "Anabelle, have you ever thought of seeing a councillor?" His question shocks me slightly and I don't know what to say. 

I want to lie and say that I have been to see someone and it didn't help, but I can't. There is something inside me that forces me to tell the truth, " No, I haven't." I look up at Chase, expecting to see a look of judgement but instead his face is soft and he doesn't seem to be judging me at all. "I think it would be a good idea," He says, "It's not scary at all, I promise." The last part of his sentence makes me curious, I decide to speak up and not ignore the question that is on the tip of my tongue for once on my life. "Do you see a councillor?" I ask hesitantly, "Yeah," he replies in a somewhat cheerful tone, "All the time." He says it as if it is the most normal thing in the world, not at all scary and not at all a big deal. I feel the all too familiar itch in my left arm and I know that the rest of the afternoon is going to be hard, I feel a little ill and then Chase speaks up. 

"You've gone awfully quiet, are you okay? Have I done something wrong?" His face set with concern once more. I look up at him to reply but I don't feel like I can, I feel trapped, sitting here with him, I can't escape. My anxiety builds again and I loose track of what's going on, the thing that pulls me out is Chase's shaky and shocked voice, "Anabelle, what are you doing to your arm?!" His voice sounds scared and shocked as if he is not sure what to do or how to handle what's going on, I look down and see that I am bleeding from a recent cut that had scabbed over. I grab a napkin and place it over my arm to stop the bleeding, I look up at Chase to offer reassurance but when I look at his face he has gone very pale and looks like he could throw up. "Chase, are you alright?" I ask tentatively, he looks up at me his face as white as a sheet. "Chase?"