You Dont Talk Much | Jimin

chapter 4

Hazel's pov

Were just sad, lost teenagers looking for love. Hoping that we find it and when trow it to waste like a plnasticbag we trow in the garbage after using it after one time. 
To force your self to smilr is painful

Were just looking for acceptance. To be accepted whether it's our clothes, emotions and the way we choose to think. We're all looking dor these two things.

We don't want sadness were to young to experience these emotions, these feeling.

I'm almost 17 i should not be thinking about these things. I should be HAPPY i should be think what i want to be doing in the future. I want to be living with my family.

But life is not always happiness.  And i understand that. But can't i once in my life be happy?

I'm not afraid of not having those two emotions in life. It's the fear I'm afraid of.

I could live without happiness and acceptance in my life. I'd still live. But the fear of not having it in my life makes me scared.

I don't know how to explain my feelings to myself so i don't bother to keep thinking and pay wide awake.

I just feel like crying.

So i get up from my bed and walk to the living room. There i find Jimin deep in his own deadly thoughts. He looked like one of those parents that drank on a Friday night with the wine bottle in their hand almost passed out consumed in their thoughts. The only thing missing was the wine bottle.

"A penny for your thoughts?" I whisper.

"I just can't believe the bail up in me." Jimin explained. "I mean good thing they didn't call. That would have been worse. But i was really looking forward to being with them on Christmas. You know?"

I made a hm sound. I wouldn't know how it feels like to spend Christmas with your family or someone you love. I wouldn't know Jimin. Sorry to let you down. I thought.

"You need to talk more often Hazel." Jimin said. "I love hearing your voice."

"Maybe you'd like to soend Christmas with me?" I change the subject.

Time skip

I wake up to an angry looking Vanessa.

"Why is the freak sitting next to you and why does she have her head on you sholder jimin?" Is the first thing she asks.

"Relax were just friends." I hear jimin say before i close my bedroom door.

Why do i feel like i just been Friendzoned.

I shake the feeling of and look at my alarm clock. 1 o'clock it reads. And my memories dift back last night.

I wonder why i asked Jimin to spend Christmas with me.

Maybe i didn't want to be lonely anymore or just this once.

He told me he'll think about it.

I just want to be buried six feet under ground. I shouldn't have asked him in the first place because if i ask him, ofcourse he'll bring Vanessa with him. Their so attached to eachother.

Attached to all the fights they have and the feelings they once had for eachother that they can't seem to let go.

I sit in my office chair at m bureau and open up my drawing pad.

I love to draw it takes my mind of reality. Which is needed sometimes.

Just like dreams. I normally don't dream but when i do it feels so real but it's not reality. Its just a stupid vivid dream.

Vanessa is still arguing with Jimin and i block them out. Only focussing on the blank paper infront of me.

This reality feels like a vivid dream where i close my eyes abd let my hands work their magic on the paper infront of me.

The only difference with this vivid dream is that it's reality. Where its peaceful. A reality i'd like to live in.

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I really enjoy writing this story. And i hope you enjoy reading it.
-Chay