Saving Her

WHY ME?

(A/N: hey guys I'm sorry I haven't been updating lately I just have a lot going on but I'm going to try and update as regularly as I can.)

this chapter contains a sensitive subject and is a possible trigger continue at you discretion.

~Macks~pov~

I'm sitting here on the bathroom floor of mine and Jakes dorm wondering why would he kiss me surely he doesn't care nobody cares about me or my life, but i don't know I just got the feeling when he kissed me like I had just been struck by lighting... but in a good way. There is know way i can like him or he can like me because once he finds out about m past he'll leave just like the only other people I told.

I begin taking of my cloths so I can pull on my pajama bottoms and my oversized sweatshirt. In the mirror I look at my stomach and thighs covered in small lines to match my arms some still slightly sore for the night before. A single tear rolls down my cheek. The single tears became as constant and rain in a thunderstorm, until I'm slight tears turn into silent sobs.

Now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor holding a blade between my finger tips and think of everything wrong I create a list in my head. I am fat, ugly, worthless, I don't deserve anything good in my life especially Jake. When I'm finished i bandage my lower stomach and upper thighs. I dress then walk out of the bathroom after whipping the remaining tears on my face.

When I exit the bathroom I'm engulfed into a hug I flinch back I look up into Jake's hazel eyes that instantly fill with confusion then something flashes in his eyes realization. Then he opens his mouth but no words come out so he closes it then opens it again looking slightly like a fish he finally gets his words out " a-a-are you o-okay?" soon as he says this i want to say know i need your help but all I reply with is " I'm fine." " are you sure?" He asks giving me a quizzical look i give him the same response " yeah I'm fine." he looks at me repeating the same question this time I snap " I'M FINE CAN YOU JUST DROP IT." I yell at him.

I lay in my bed the lights turned off Jake laying in his bed i can tell he isn't sleeping i learnt on the first night he snores like a chainsaw when he sleeps i put in my earphone push the feeling of guilt from yelling at him the back of my mind the first song that comes on is "This Is Gospel" by Panic! At The Disco and all I hear before i drift to sleep is the lyrics in the background "this is gospel for the lost ones."