Daddy [h.s]

Thirty One

Song for this chapter; Cologne by Selena Gomez

My head was pounding and I felt almost drained from all my energy. Crying was more tiring that one could imagine. It was around ten at night and I still couldn't put my mind to rest and go to sleep.

As I buried my face in the pillow he used, there was a hint of his smell on the pillows. Every time I tried to push him away, he swam right back to mind with futile attempts and I could feel my hand give in.

Nothing but the letter ran through my mind over and over again which sat in my bedside drawer, almost haunting me and my every thought.

Having to start college in a few months. Assignments, and writing...eventually reminded me of his sloppy yet neat handwriting.

Tired. Tired because of crying of thinking about his letter.

Mother. She had slapped me, for the first time in my life. Slapped me because I spoke without thinking and she acted without thinking. Because the mere thought of Harry leaving me at that moment had driven me in panic.

Why was he everywhere?

I tossed and turned. I sat up for a few minutes then lay back down in restlessness. I just couldn't sit still. My mind was wide awake yet my body was exhausted. I was slightly thankful for my phone vibrating and distracting me.

But right as I hastily picked it up, just hoping it was the one person I wanted, I needed to give me an explanation, I was disappointed to see Niall's name flashing across my screen.

From; Niall
10:21 PM

I know you're not asleep right now but I hope you're okay.

I didn't bother replying, just tossed my phone carelessly somewhere on the floor and continued to stare aimlessly at the blank, white wall.

Heaving out a sigh, Niall's words echoed through my mind and I thought about his words. For the first time in hours, I took something into consideration and slowly fathomed that he was right.

Harry was merely a few pages in my book. He hadn't stayed long enough to even become one chapter but instead, ripped away some of the ones I had already written. I couldn't glue them back together but I could make a new chapter.

Without Harry.

I couldn't let him affect my education, my relationship with friends, or my dreams and goals for the future. I couldn't let him do that. He's already a CEO of his own company, he's lived trough his dreams and reached his goal. I couldn't let him stop me from living through my drama and reaching my goal.

Fuck Harry.

Fuck Illiana.

Fuck my mother.

Fuck my future plans with him.

Fuck him.

And somewhere between those thoughts, I had dozed off and the next time my eyes drifted open was in the early morning sun. I groaned, my head pounding harshly and I was sure that my eyes were red and most likely swollen.

Pushing the avoided thoughts to the back of my mind, I quickly brushed my teeth and showered, picking out a grey hoodie and leggings. As I put the hoodie on, I realised that it fell around my knees and it suddenly hit me as I got a waft of the familiar cologne.

Pathetic tears welled up in my eyes as I stood in front of the mirror, with my arms wrapped around myself as if they were a shield that could protect me.

I couldn't help but breathe in and it felt as if he was in the air. 

I let out a deep breath and unfolded my arms, walking downstairs. I didn't bother eating anything, immediately putting on my sneakers and heading out. I needed answers. Well at least to some of my questions.

I stood in front of the house that felt as if it would burn me alive if I stepped foot anywhere near it. Either that or it was just my not-so-morning, bitter mind.

I knocked on the door before I could back out, and when she opened the door, I would be lying if I said her face wasn't priceless. I would've laughed but in the situation I was in, it felt difficult just to talk.

"What are you doing here?" She furrowed her eyebrows, closing the door behind her and stepping out onto the porch.

"How do you know Harry left?" I cut to the chase, taking a seat on the couch that they had on the porch as I raised my eyebrows at Illiana.

She shifted uncomfortably and shrugged her shoulders, "Your mother told me"

I swear, the way my neck darted up was so fast that I feared it might've been broken for a second but that was the least of my worries because her response made me downright perplexed, "My mother? Mother? She told you because, why?"

"I came by your house yesterday but you weren't there. I was pissed at you and Harry, I was going to tell your mother the truth if I'm being honest about you and Harry. All I asked was if she knew about Harry and I guess she misunderstood what I was hinting at and told me he left. I realised you were probably already miserable so I didn't tell her but I told you he was going to leave, Delaney" She didn't sympathise but she wasn't mocking me. She was just...telling me. I couldn't help but be angered at the thought that she would even think to just expose me when it wasn't any of her business.

"You had no right to even go there to begin with, Illiana. Who do you think you are?" I seethed, clenching my hands into fists and standing in front of her.

Her mouth opened before she closed it and let her eyes trail down my physique, letting out a humourless laugh, "You wouldn't be jealous if some guy came along and stole your best friend? How do you think I felt when you chose to spend all of your time on him?"

"You could've talked to me about it like a normal person" I huffed, rolling my eyes and shaking my head at her. I knew I was in the wrong here just as much as she was but it didn't give her the right to say and do all the things she did.

"I realise that. I was just mad. I'm sorry" If I hadn't of met Harry, then I would've taken her apology but after all the people that have lied to me, betrayed me, broken my trust, I didn't know what to or who to believe anymore.

"I'm sorry as well but I just...we were both wrong but I can't pretend nothing ever happened" She nodded her head as if in understanding and wrapped her hand against the railing of the stairs. I let out a deep breath I hadn't realised I was holding and started to walk down the steps, "I'll see you around"

"See you" Was all she replied with and a wave of her hand before she walked back inside. I blinked a few times and left to go on my way.

I felt better. I didn't know it was because, I knew the truth about something but, I felt better. It was as if some huge load of stress was released from my shoulders.