ANATOMY OF A GIRL

part four, i

The drive back to the dorms was a quiet one. The empty seat that Arlo had inherited a year ago was a sore reminder of what they'd lost. Who they'd lost.

None of it felt entirely real.

Sapphire was waiting for Arlo to reach over and squeeze her hand. For him to tell her that he was okay, that it had all been a lie and that he was alive. But he wasn't. And as much as she hated it, as much as she rejected the idea, deep within the tissues of her brain and the arteries and veins of her heart, she knew the truth. They all did. Arlo Torres was really and truly dead.

Flair was a wreck. Her hair was drenched from the rain and her face wet with salty tears. And Arlo's parents' phone call had only made things worse. They'd asked what had happened — recounting how she'd found Arlo dead was painful, so much so, that Flair had closed her eyes while retelling most of the story. Sapphire held Flair's hand and tried to comfort her in what seemed to be her weakest point. Sapphire had never seen Flair weak.

That phone call had been the tip of the iceberg that was Flair's feelings. It was the match that sparked a flame, the cut that severed an artery, and the fissure that shattered the glass. The sound of Arlo's parents' broken sobbing through the phone just reminded her of Arlo and his end, and the pain he must have gone through. Saying his end felt like chocking, because it just didn't feel like his life had ended, but she hated the word death more. Death was a word too strong and too permanent. A word that shouldn't have been able to hold Arlo down, yet it had. The word had pulled him down into the earth and left him with nothing but an unforgiving oblivion.

Arlo Torres deserved nothing less than golden gates and heaven's song.

Sapphire lifted the wall within her head, letting Flair's thoughts rush into her own head.

Flair told herself to stop thinking about it and be rational, to be the Flair everyone thought she was and expected her to be. The Flair that kept her emotions in check and memorised entire equations before a math test to calm herself. That was the Flair people loved, but— she knew she couldn't be that Flair today, and it was the only Flair she knew how to be. The whole night just became too much for her. Even the comforting of her best friend couldn't lift the foggy cloud of pain that was closing in on her. She watched drops of rain rush down the clear glass of the window.

They sat in silence. It wasn't an empty silence, but was left unpunctuated by words. Rain battered the windows and lightning lit up the car's interior. Leo turned the car into the parking lot behind the dorms and turned off the engine. They sat for a while. Sapphire released Flair's hand and pulled herself out of the car and into the rain. Flair got out the other side, and Ayden pulled her into a hug. It was raining, but none of it mattered. Sapphire watched as Flair cried into Ayden's shoulder.

Leo turned to Sapphire and smiled slightly. His dark skin shone in the moonlight. Sapphire could see his dimples. He grabbed her hand and said, "He's with Aaliyah now."

She nodded and tried a smile. Leo and Ayden said their goodbyes and left for their room.

She turned to Flair. "Let's get out of the rain."

Walking through the dorm building, they got all kinds of sympathetic looks. She didn't know if she wanted their pity. It wouldn't change anything.

Sapphire shivered in front of their dorm. Her bomber jacket was soaked. She shoved her hand into her pocket and felt around for the keys with her fingers. Her fingers were shaking.

She closed her eyes and lent her head against the door. The tears started up again and she said, "Shit."

Flair reached for her upper arm. "I have mine," she said. Flair wasn't shivering. Sapphire nodded and stepped away from the door, letting Flair unlock it.

Inside the dorm, rain pounded against the window between their beds. Flair settled onto her bed.

She wasn't shivering because she was the rain. Or she'd called on it, anyway. She'd caused the storm that closed in on them, leaving the sky a dark grey expanse. Flashes and streaks of bright, white light vanquished the darkness for a second, before the grey swallowed them up again. Light was never permanent.

Sapphire pulled a towel from the bathroom rack and draped it around Flair. Even if she wasn't cold, she was getting her bed wet.

Sapphire couldn't get passed what someone in the crowd had said. They'd whispered that it was a suicide. But she knew that Arlo would never have committed suicide — he was happy. He was the happiest person she knew. He had a golden heart that emitted rays of silver and gushed blood of rubies.

If Arlo didn't commit suicide, someone killed him. And as much as the thought hurt her, it hurt less than the thought of him ending his own life. Choosing to leave them behind. It was a thought she wished to forget.

She thought about what happened before finding Arlo, when he was with Flair. She guessed it must have happened after him and Flair were together, and that narrowed the time frame. It didn't give the person that killed him much time. She debated asking Flair when her and Arlo got separated, the words almost leaving her lips, but Flair's sobbing pulled the words to an abrupt halt.

Sapphire stood up from her bed and sat down on Flair's bed, pulling her best friend into her arms.

Her mind began to wander again, to what actually happened a few hours ago. It wouldn't have been easy to take Arlo down, and he would have put up a fight, he would have made a noise, so how did no one hear?

"It'll be okay soon," she said, and hoped it wasn't a lie.

Flair looked up at Sapphire, so desperately wanting to believe it would be okay — that she'd be okay.

"It doesn't feel real — he can't be dead, he has always been so..." Flair closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Alive. So warm and loving and alive. And I heard those people, I heard the police – they think he killed himself. People that were supposed to be his friends believe he did. But I know he didn't, he wouldn't have. I know him, and you do, too."

Sapphire nodded in a way she could only hope was convincing. She closed her eyes and refused to listen to the voice in her head, a silver-tongued hiss, did we know him?

*

author's note:

hello! hi! it's sarah, coming at you with a highly unedited half-a-chapter! tell me what ya think? any theories on what's coming?

thank you for sticking with me up to this point, i'm forever grateful for your support :-)

until next time xx