The Twilight Zone In Creation

I was warned not to.

Mattie had WARNED me. He had sent all those letters, all those emails... Even pleaded with me. Came over twice a week, begged for me to stop. But I didn't. The temptation enticed me, drew me in... I was drunk on creation. The first human to create something from scratch! Fame, money, everything I needed. I was poor, I was an unknown scientist. Living in a rundown apartment, with peeling walls and a poky kitchen, you MUST understand.

My apparatus lay everywhere in my kitchen. I could hardly cook. But I didn't care about food. All that mattered was what I was making. It was tantalising, the prospect. I spent all my waking hours in my kitchen, attempts failing one after another. But I knew that it was only a minor drawback. I KNEW I would succeed.

Don't preach at me, Art. I know. Just let me continue.

My parents had abandoned me, disgusted at my hope. What kind of parents do that? It hurt me. But I consoled myself... At least I could still play with my science. All the books said it was 'theoretically possible'. I was out to prove it. I HAD to do it, Arthur! And no one could stop me, not even Mattie. The chemicals needed, new apparatus, the exotic components, they costed me a fortune. But I told myself that I would get it all back when I got rich.

At first, Mattie helped me: he paid for a few of the more hard-to-find ingredients, he suggested some ideas, cited a few books, the works. But after two months, he stopped. He could somehow tell that this... This defiled nature. I was shocked. Mattie was always supportive of me, but he suddenly protested against my plan. I paid no heed. I was on a roll, I knew the day of success drew nearer. It was at my fingertips. But I just didn't know what was missing.

Post-it notes were everywhere, filled with questions. I pasted them on the walls, on the floor, on the tables. I wrote all the theories, all the suggestions, all the possibilities on them. Nothing worked! I felt discouraged... until I made the emotions. Yes, the emotions! I had thrown together a few random chemicals, and I found a greyish liquid. I was silly, and took a small sip. A kind of calm fell over me. I had discovered the base of the emotions!

I quickly made more and separated them into batches. I dripped some liquid nitrogen in one. The... the potion turned a light blue. I was fascinated, tried some. The effects were gradual: I felt like everyone had rejected me, despised me... After ten minutes of contemplating suicide, the feelings were gone. It was 'sadness'! Spurred by the discovery, I left the flask aside and went on to the next beaker.

Taking a risk, I dissolved sulphur inside, turning the liquid a strange, dark red. I never expected it, I had thought it would turn yellow. I tested the new concoction. I immediately felt a building up rage in me; I was angry at my parents, at Mattie for trying to stop me, at me for not succeeding, at everything around me. It was 'anger'. I waited for the potion to effects to wear off, then quickly started experimenting with the remaining liquid.

I know, Arthur, it was foolish. But it WAS vaguely beneficial. 'Happiness' brought me up when I was disappointed, 'Anger' gave me encouragement, 'Sadness' forced me to eat, 'Peace' calmed me down. I took small doses almost everyday... I could have sold these for a huge amount of money, but that was not my goal. I wanted to create LIFE. I essentially wanted to be like God.

I made at least six or seven kinds of emotions. Then, I reached the 'OK Plateau' and I stopped advancing further. I was utterly irritated; the novelty of success wore off. Yes, I was greedy, Arthur! Now shush, let me talk. I stashed the potions all away and concentrated on my goal. After about three weeks, I tossed all my failed attempts in a corner, out of anger. The glass flasks all cracked... And the liquids all mixed.

What was left was a black blob, pulsating a little. I was intrigued, went over cautiously with a glass jar and a tongs. It wasn't alive, thankfully, and I scooped it into the jar. I studied it for a week, noting down all its characteristics. Was it an alkaline or an acid? Was it photosensitive? More Post-its appeared. I FELT it would be vital to my goal, so I diverted all attention to it. Then, I went out on a limb. I added some 'emotions' into the jar, 'Happiness', to be precise.