own it ; c.g

till dawn (here comes the sun)

ava/

"she said she was inlove with me." i sigh. god was i.

"i haven't seen you in years ava. how can i show you that i love you more?" i felt as wes took a few steps back, sighing deeply into my hair.

i felt his breath on the shell of my ear before he spoke. "please, please tell me he's lying." and then, i broke.

i sobed, and i cried. and cried, and cried. i felt as i was set back down into the couch. i felt a jagged sob wreck through me. i hear steps descending. i knew wesley had left. i heard the front door open, and slowly creak shut.

carl stroked my hair. he stroked it softly, before grabbing me and pulling me into a hug. 

"im not me without you, carà mia." i remembered the first time he had called me that. it was storming. we were fifteen. a year before our fallout.

i ran into the boys room terrified. i always hated storms. debbie is usually there to comfort me, seeing as we shared a room. but this time she was asleep at hollys. and i was fuckin terrified.

i jump up to the top bunk, careful not to wake ian who was sound asleep in the bed across the room. i shake carl, and he barely comes to.

"ava? go to sleep." i shake him once more, laying under the covers next to him.

"i-its storming. can i sleep in here tonight?" he rubbed his left eye, cuddling up to my side.

"goodnight, my carà mia. go to sleep now." i smiled. "so you learned something in italian?" he doesn't reply, only laying his face in my neck.

the remembrance of the memory only made me sob louder.  i hear him wince.

"i love you. i love you i love you. i hope you know insomniance isn't right, i hope you don't get tired of me telling you i love you so much." i whimpered, breathing in his intoxicating scent.

la nuit de l'homme. it was a yves saint laurent cologne. it always danced along his chest, and floated subtly down towards his arms and lower body.

"it's okay sweetheart. i'll love you forever." i heard him sigh into my hair, then taking a sniff of my hair.

"what did happen after i left, c?" i heard him yawn.

"right after you left, i was fine. i was happy." i sniffled. "you didn't even miss me?" he rubs my back, letting me sit back up into a normal slouched position. i see as he bites his lip, before rolling it back into place. he opens his mouth, before closing it again.

"no. im not going to lie to you. at first, i was content. i didn't mind you being gone." my nostrils flared with a wrenching sob i was so desperately trying to hold in. i shook my head. this is stupid. let him finish.

he breathes deeply. "then four months passed. and four turned into six. six turned into nine. and that's when i realized i couldn't live with out you. i texted you a lot. you never answered. it was always on delivered. then i realized you left your phone tucked under my mattress. i missed you so much, avalynn. i don't think i could have ever fallen in love after you. i never did." i nod.

" i didn't miss you either. i remembered every day that you gave me horrible, throbbing pains you made me endorse. you made me cry so often. i would sleep in shelters, boxes, group homes. i don't know how i ended up in australia." i stutter, blanking out momentarily. "i blacked out for three months. i woke up in a ditch." i laugh sadly. "a ditch. a fucking ditch! someone left me to die. i couldn't believe that i was so dehumanized, that no one bothered to see of i was even alive. i was stripped of any humanity, treated like a scrap piece of metal. thrown away, tossed around, and used." he rubs both of his eyes with his left hand. i continue. "that's when i took my life back. i wanted to fall in love, so i did. i wanted to create art, so i did. what was life like when i left?"  he licks his lip, grasping my cheek. "it felt like hell." his hand slowly falls down to my lap.

"all i wanted to do, for nine fucking years was just to hold your hand and kiss your lips." i look between both of his eyes, searching for any emotion evident. remorse. regret. pain. sufferance. betrayal. love. hate, sadness, anger.

"c, i'm here now. isn't that what matters?" he shakes his head. "i lost nine years with you." i look outside the bay window. the sun was rising. he continues to stare at me, i can feel his eyes wandering.

"babydoll, i missed you so much." he kissed my lips hard. so passionately, that for the third time, i fell deep in love.

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happy birthday ekitty. all the love, babyboy. x