Vanity Teens

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten:

"God bless me father, for I have sinned," I murmured, just loud enough to be heard amidst the wooded confessional. And now the fun begins, I thought, mainly just to myself.

"Bless you, child, what may I do for you?" Reverend Crestpleasant said pleasantly. I could see his smile from beyond the confessional curtains, but thankfully he couldn't see me. If he found out who I really was, he'd know something was amiss.

Coughing, I readied my fake accent again. It was thick and tense, phlegmy and just to make my life a little more exciting, it was Welsh. I loved faking accents, especially Welsh. I was so good at pretending, accents were my forte. "What I have seen, it is of a rather ill manner," I warned, conjuring fake worry.

"Do continue, should you wish for absolution." I didn't wish for absolution. I just wanted to humour myself. That was the only reason I did this. I even created a name to match the accent: Professor Gwideon Blythenfug. I loved creating fake personas, I had so many.

"I do most dearly wish for absolution, father," I said, holding down a laugh. Oh, I was just too funny. No normal person does this.

"Then continue, dear Gwideon."

"Please, father, do call me Gwid." I had to hold back a rage of laughter as I said it. Gwideon was even worse than Ariel. At least Ariel had some class.

"Very well, Professor Gwid. Continue."

"Well, you see, I just so happened to be walking along the road, yes I was. And, as I was walking along this peculiarly normal road, I saw the most trivial and sinful thing," I began, making it up as I went along.

"Yes?"

"A couple, but they were of the... of the..." I said, feigning to sound like I was about to be sick. You could hear it in my voice, but the good old reverend couldn't see me. That would ruin the entire thing. "A couple of the same-sex."

"Dreadful, absolutely dreadful. The utmost repulsion, I find. It is complete blasphemy, as the Bible states, but there is naught we can do. How is you simply looking upon this filthy couple a sin, though, old Gwid?"

"Oh, Reverend, you have no idea. You see, I did not sin, it was a rather the same-sex couple who have sinned. One of these... monsters was Charlotte. Charlotte Crestpleasant. Your daughter."

And I was out of there. I ran as fast as I could, before Charlie's father would recognise who I was. I loved messing with Charlotte. My entire Gwideon Blythenfug persona was all about getting her in trouble, and it wasn't unprovoked.

Every time Charlotte did something mean, or cruel, or bitchy, I'd put on my Gwideon disguise and take my revenge on her. Once, I managed to trick her mother into thinking she was planning to run off to Pakistan with her new boyfriend, Gazeem. Gazeem wasn't entirely real, because he was also another one of my fake identities. I once used Gazeem to phone Charlie's mother and confirm their, or our, fake elopement. It was hilarious, and just all too easy.

But, in the back of my mind, I knew that I actually had something real to confess. But not because I was ashamed or because I thought that it was a sin. I came from a family of strong Christians, but I never liked the religion myself. I wanted to confess this little secret because I knew that saying it out-loud would make it seem more real, and would bring the words to life.

I thought that I had dreamed my kiss with Sam, and when I woke up the next morning to remember that it was real, I couldn't help but smile. That was when I decided I'd need revenge on Charlie for what she pulled at Vienna's Halloween party. And my revenge had been sewn, like the knitted jumpers that were sent to me from my grandparents in Amsterdam. I didn't know them, but they seemed insistent that they know me, yet Mother wouldn't allow that, and God knows why.