A Message To All Who....

Speak!!

I can't believe these last 12 months I've tried to kill myself 6 times , I tried to make a permanent solution to a temporary problem it still bugs me in the back of my mind everyday. why? I know at the time I felt like I had no one, i thought life was to hard, I was done with everyone & everything , I really didn't care. I just wanted it to end. My gut drops every time I think about it, what if I actually succeeded ???!, how much pain and suffering would i have put my mum and family through, miss all their birthdays an Christmas dinners . i feel so guilty knowing that I never used to care I didn't give a fuck about what would happen to the people I left behind. & every time I failed suicide , I used to think I was pathetic , useless, a failure , & worthless but now I'm proud to have failed because I now realize how much life's worth , how much my mum & family actually mean to me , i wouldn't trade the world for them, i never knew how much they cared about me , until one day i decided to let my mum in , I was just to blacked out in my mind to have realized that I actually did have someone . And that person was my mum. She stayed by my side every time I had a break down , threw all the tears & suffering , mum held my hand threw it all. she told me that life is a mysterious thing , & stuff happens for a reason good or bad. But no matter what life is how you perceive it. She drove me everywhere to get me help doctors, hospital , shrink, counselor, meetings, etc. it was a long road to recovery, I'm still healing to this day but in the end letting that one person in changed my life , I got medicated , & had regular meetings with a counselor & a shrink , I've been diagnosed with anxiety , depression & a mood disorder. I'm more open now , and mentally stable. so talking to someone and telling them how you feel can get you along way , no body should ever feel they are alone through this battle , because every commander needs their soldiers. And those soldiers are just waiting beside you. Waiting for you to reach out, and speak.