Trained to Kill Book 2: The Aftermath

three: no promises

You will take the bait.

You will take the bait.

Jacob's words replay over and over again in my head like the broken Jimi Hendrix record I had when I was four. Ha, that was a joke. I don't remember being four.

It's the next day and I'm ranting to Andrea, the only friend I can count on keeping her mouth shut. Liz and Val tend to get serious cases of oral diarrhea, specifically around the people I don't want hearing my business. "And not only that, but he's trying to turn it all on me, as if somehow I'm the problem. As if somehow I'm not allowed to get mad about the fact that he never told me he got the job and is now planning on moving across the country. As if! I can't think of anything more insulting, Ann. I mean, this whole you're always angry for no reason thing is getting old, I'm sick of getting painted as the angry black girlfriend who overreacts at the slightest thing. This is big! This is something I'm allowed to be angry about, his dumbass. I can't even believe-"

"Okay, woah, slow down Karm." Andrea laughs lightly as a smile tugs on her face. We're in our apartment complex, and I'm assisting her in walking her newly adopted, straight-outta-the-shelter hybrid mutt pup, Jolie. Jolie is French for pretty, she says, whenever someone asks her about the name origin. She's so classy. "Did you ever pause to think about how Calvin is feeling about all of this? Think about it, he's been wanting this job so badly for month now and you have always been so determined not to leave Maryland. He loves you, but he also wants to follow his dreams. Can you imagine having a boyfriend you love and a career you love and possibly having to choose between the two?"

Ugh. She's so annoyingly always right. Curse her, for being the stupid voice of reason. Of course I've thought about how hard it must be for Cal. How devastating this could be on him, on me, on our relationship. I'm scared, and plus with all this stuff going on with that annoyingly attractive Jacob guy, it's just easier to be mad at Calvin. "Can we just pretend I'm being reasonable for once." I sigh. Jolie stops and nips at my feet, then she jumps as if she wants me to pick her up. I ain't fallin' for it.

"We can pretend, but I don't think you came to me to pretend. I think you came to me because you knew I'd tell you how it is. I also think that you know what you have to do, you just don't wanna do it." She says, using her foot to get Jolie off of me so we can continue walking.

"Turns out, that's not why I came to you."

"Then why did you?"

I shrug my shoulders, because I truly don't know why I came to her. I don't know why I desperately need to be mad at Calvin, why I can't think straight anymore, why my whole word seems to be crashing down in a fiery inferno all at once.

--

When we return back from our walk, I feel Jacob's presence before I can even get my door key out of my back left pocket. He wasn't here this morning, for which I was relieved, but he's here now. And Val isn't. That means it'll be me, and it'll be him, in my apartment. Alone.

I don't know why the thought makes me so nervous, makes my heart start beating a little faster, but then again what do I know these days?

I turn the lock and the second I step in the room the hair on my arms stands up. Jacob is sitting at the table, looking at some papers and drinking something out of a mug. I immediately expect it to be coffee. He sees me and sets the coffee down, doing that weird thing where everytime we're in the same room together he gives me his undivided attention. "Hello." I say kindly and cordially, trying to pretend like his energy doesn't make my head spin. He doesn't say anything back. I take the silence as an invitation to keep talking, because I have this curse where my nervousness makes me fill silences. "Where were you this morning, if you don't mind me asking?" I walk into the kitchen to fix myself up a smoothie, even though I don't have much of an appetite anymore.