Adapting to reality

Walk in the park

 

- 1 - 

I stood over this poor and defenceless girl whilst my hands were trembling, I've never had a gun in my hand before.

I aimed the gun right over this chicks forehead, I don't know who she was but she was stunning, then the person I was with yelled at me.

"SHOOT THE BITCH!"

I jumped as the person yelled and without even knowing I did it, I pulled the trigger and shot her dead with a single bullet.

This mad angry, late fifties looking guy ran away and I started panicking, this isn't something that is advised to be shouting out at 10pm on a quiet, empty road full of houses but for some reason I did.

"WHAT ABOUT MY TEN GRAND?!"

I continued to tremble but this time, my whole body was trembling. I was a murderer. How am I going to get over this? How is my mum going to get over this? Is there a time machine I can purchase from somewhere? Out of all the mistakes that has occured in my life, I would definitely erase this one.

I lost my virginity at thirteen years old to a guy I hardly knew, I nearly overdosed my mother at the beginning of the year, I faked my facebook profile to get closer to this guy who fancied my best friend.

My life is a mess, I'm a fifteen year old carer, my name is Melanie and I look after my mother, I'm all she has, I've missed my mock exams, missed weeks of school in the past few months just so I can help mum; I'm surprised I haven't been kicked out.

I could ask for help but I don't want to do that, she would only be put in a mental home, she would be treated like the crap at the bottom of a nurse's shoe, I don't want that for her!

Usually when you sit on a park bench by yourself to give yourself some space from an unpaid job whilst the job role is asleep, you would just talk to yourself or mumble a song, or even bring out your old phone to look at photos of you when you had a father around to take care of things, but it wasn't like that tonight.

I was sitting in the park literally right across the road from my estate, it was a park just for the estate but it was the most dangerous place in Burntwood and the most dangerous park in West London, this park has the highest rate of kidnapping, rape attacks and murders in West London, simply for the fact it was a quiet 'get things off your chest' park and this is a perfect place for criminals to do their dirty duties.

Once you enter this park you just have to pray you've gone at the right time and that you leave in one piece,it's ten times safer to come to this scary place when your not by yourself.

Why people still go here? I do not know. Why do I still go here? I do not know. Does my mum know I still go here? Heck to the no. 

I don't know how she'd react really, she's ill so she has a different type of mentality to every other mother out there, she may react like she doesn't care in the slightest if she found out.

Anyway, I'm sitting on this park bench minding my own business, picturing my life before my father died due to cancer when I was 12 years old, me and my family don't exactly get along and it's quite a big family, so when my dad died nobody knew and my family on my mum's side want me to look after myself as part of a 'life lesson, one that you can't learn in school.' I'm not the argumentive type so once I found out I was dealing with all this work on my own after the funeral I just took a deep breath and got on with it.

My dad was a guy who helped those with their mental illness, he met mum in a class one day when he was discussing to a group about whatever he was talking about, I'm not sure what it was, from that day on, they were a loved up couple, then the shower hose came on and he told me and mum of his cancer at the dinner table, there was silence after every bite when he said that, I still cry about it.