Desire

6

ASH'S POV

The shuffling of a sleeping boy in my arms woke me from my dreams, confusion spreading across my face as I saw Jay's head buried in my chest. I don't know if I dreamed the past 5 or so months of our friendship but I can definitely recount Jay being indefinitely straight as every attempt at my flirting had been either ignored or met with a snarky reply, and although his blush may have said otherwise, he's always insisted that he was 100% straight. I wasn't going to grumble though, I have an extremely large crush on Jay and I was not going to pass up the chance to continue sleeping with him, I thought as my eyelids fluttered shut once more.

“What the hell is happening” questioned a perplexed Jay, his eyes no longer shut behind peaceful eyelids but wide open, panic etched across his face as he disentangled himself from my embrace, waking me from my slumber.

“What time is it?” I asked, a yawn interrupting my question as I spoke. The boy is way too anxious, pacing from one side of the room to the other, his hand rustling his messy hair as he tries to make sense of the situation. Personally, I don't think it was that big of a deal, I mean it's not like we kissed or fucked or anything, we literally just slept beside each other.

“I don't fucking care what time it is, 'why are you still here?' is the important bloody question” he raged as he turned to face me, pointing his finger in my direction. I got up from the sofa and walked towards him, wondering what on earth had got into him. I watched as he moved away from me, backing into the corner until his body was flush against the wall.
With every movement I made he flinched as if I'd smacked him and recoiled away, turning his face away from me as if I disgusted him.

“Jay, man, seriously calm down. We just fell asleep on the sofa together, nothing wrong with that, plenty of friends do it” I reasoned, trying my hardest to stay calm although his panicked state worried me. All I wanted was to hug him and tell that it'll all be okay but I somehow doubt that'd help right now. “Look, let's go get something to eat and go shopping like we planned yea?” I added, stepping towards him and placing a hand on his arm, an action that I quickly regretted.

“Get the hell off me!” he yelled, yanking my arm off him and pushing me hard in the chest. “I'm not fucking gay, stop trying to touch me!” he shrieked. I tried to ignore the crushing pain I felt in my chest but it was difficult, his face was a book of his emotions and I could tell that he was hurting more than I was right now. He's confused, I told myself, he doesn't understand what's going on, that must be worse than being a little bit heart broken.

“Jay I-” I started

“Why are you still here!” he shouted as tears brimmed in his eyes “Get out of my house now!”

~~

Jamming my key into the lock, I pushed the front door open and ran up the stairs, careful to avoid the quiet questions of my mother as I ran past because if I answered her she'd only hear the pain in my voice and I really can't deal with her pity right now. I sank down into my bed and buried my face into the pillow, waiting until my shaky breaths had subsided.

“Oh Ash,” my mother whispered from outside my door. “You fell for him didn't you? You fell for the straight boy”.

And just like that, as the crippling realisation hit me that I had in fact fallen for Jay, my pillow was wet with tears.