Is your marriage arranged?
Nope! Unfortunately I have to go through the process of weeding out all the creepy douchebags, in search of “the one,” all on my own. I’m not lucky enough to have my parents provide me with a line up of eligible bachelors to choose from. Arranged marriages are not a characteristic of Islamic teachings; they are a cultural practice, not a religious one. There is a major misconception about many communities that engage in so-called “arranged” marriages. Most people believe the scenario goes a little something like this (I’ll use fake names):
Parents: “Jane, meet Alan.”
Jane: “Hi, Alan.”
Parents: “Great, you like him. You will be marrying this man tomorrow.”
Jane: “But…”
Parents: “No buts. This isn’t negotiable. Alan will be your husband and you have no choice in the matter.”
When in reality, most families who engage in so-called “arranged” marriages the actual incident is like this:
Parents: “Jane, do you know Alan? He is a very nice man I think you should meet him.”
Jane, while hesitant to do so, actually takes her parent’s advice and meets Alan. They date. Fall in love and THEN get married. Did the parents pick a person who they thought would make their daughter happy? Sure they did. It’s no different from being set on a blind date by your parents, friends, or coworkers. They are arranging a meeting between you and someone with the hopes that you will hit it off and live happily ever after. I wont deny that there are cases where women are not given a choice, which is very unfortunate and depressing, but again this isn’t a representation of Islamic principles.
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