Till We Meet Again

Chapter Six

Thank goodness that my mom wasn't home. But I thought that she would have been at home because she said that she wanted to talk to me so… but anyway, I am really happy that she isn't at home because honestly I don't want to talk about what happened.

I headed up to my room, straight to the shower. I took off the shirt and boxer he gave me and dumped it in the trash. I'll probably burn that later. I don't want anything to remind me about what happened. I stepped in the shower and the tears began falling again. The lukewarm water cascaded down my back. I began scrubbing my skin. I scrubbed and scrubbed but no matter what I did, I just felt disgusted with myself.

I felt dirty. My body has been violated in so many way. It's like if I could have taken my skin off, I would waste no time.
I sat in there as the tears flowed and the water just washed away what I didn't want to remember.

Honestly I don't want to remember it but the memory is so fresh. Obviously, but thank goodness I'm not that traumatized. I think.

I have no choice but to go back to work in the next few days because if I don't he would kill my family, which is just my mother, and my friends. I don't want to have their death hanging over my head, but what can I do?
It is still hard to comprehend what happened. It's like my brain is still trying to process it.
I never felt so violated and broken. He took something form me that I would never ever get back.

He took my feeling of security, he took my virginity, he took it. It's still hard to believe but that pain in between my legs reminds me that it was real. So real that I wish this was all a bad dream and I would soon wake up from this nightmare.

Maybe if I agreed to go out to dinner with him I wouldn't have been in this position I am in now. Maybe if I just accepted his offers at go out I would still have my feeling of security and my virginity. Maybe, just maybe if I hadn't declined his offer. Just maybe. Who knows, maybe things would have been different.

I guess that I will have to live with it. There is nothing that I can do. He has money, I have nothing.

See the difference is that in this world we live in money talks, so anyone with money has power and well I just don't have any money so even if I report him there is no chance of him being arrested. His money would get everything to go away and he would probably hire people to kill me, my family and friends. I don't want anyone to be killed because of me, so I would like to keep whatever happened to myself.

There's a saying that says:
Silence is Golden.
And in this case it is. I don't want to think about this anymore.

I turned off the shower and got out. I wrapped the towel around my prune body. I stayed so long under the water that I look like a prune.

I dried my skin and got a sweat pants and a big T-shirt. I headed downstairs. I need food. Yes, food. Food and music always clear my mind.

I went to the cupboard and got a pack of peeps. I headed up back to my bedroom. I ate my peeps, listened to music and soon I drifted off into a dreamless sleep or so I thought. 

I kicked and kicked, "Please don't do this!"

He began grinding his hips against mine.

"Please, please don't do this," I begged.

"Baby, your body says otherwise," he began sucking my neck.

I jolted awake, drenched in sweat. I looked around at my surroundings. I was in my own room. Phew, thank goodness.

For the rest of that night I didn't even sleep. Or should I say day? It is a new day already.

**

It's now morning, I just heard the door open so I guess that my mother is home. Well actually 10:34 a.m.

I took a quick shower and got a pair of sweat pants and a turtle neck sweater. I got dressed quickly before heading downstairs.

I entered the kitchen to start breakfast. I got started on making pancakes. They seem like the easiest thing to do. As I flipped the last one my mother entered the kitchen.

"What did you make?" she asked.
"Pancakes."

"Okay, pour some maple syrup over mine," she instructed.

I only made five. Four for my mother and one for me. I don't really feel like eating but I got to try and act normal so nobody would ask any questions.

I set down a plate of four pancakes with the maple syrup she asked for over it.

I took my stool at the counter.

"Only one you are going to eat?" mom asked.

"Yeah, I don't really feel like eating," I told her, well I'm not lying there. I really don't feel like eating.

I don't know if I should tell anyone. Mainly because Scar said that I shouldn't tell anyone. I know, why listen to him but honestly I am afraid of him. He is my rapist after all. I don't know how I am going to face him at work without breaking down I'm tears.

I think I should get some of those pills, which when you drink one or so, your face is void of emotions. I don't want to have to breakdown crying while I'm in some meeting with him or something.

I don't really want to see what he can do. Last night terrified the shits out of me, I don't want to witness anymore.

Wait, did he wear a condom? Yeah, I think he did. Or he didn't?
I really hope he did wear one though, because I do not want to contract any STDs or something.

"Honey, are you gonna eat?"

I jumped at her voice. Okay, now I get startled over little things.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, forcing myself to eat.

If I wasn't the victim, I would urge the victim to stand up and report it but here I am now not wanting to do what I would have advised.

I guess, you never know what someone is going through until you went through it yourself. But one thing's for sure, I have to keep living.

I am strong!

[NOT EDITED]