atelaphobia + c.h.

o n e

hi guys !! (not that i have any followers anyway screw u) so im writing another story as well as this one too. its an ashton fanfic and i have so many ideas jcjdcjvskcv. im watching what a girl wants and im crying bc fetus amanda. well. heres chapter one.

b e l l e

I clicked my pen vigorously, wondering what to right down. It had been almost a month since I had seen him last, when I told him how I really felt and he left. I really did regret the words that had came out of my mouth. I hated every minute of when we fought, but to be honest, I didn't love him the way he loved me. I didn't deserve everything he gave me. I was still in contact with Ashton and Michael, Luke being the one who decided I had completely and utterly shattered his best friend's heart. Luke hated me, but I didn't want him to. I loved all of the boys like brothers, but when Calum had asked me to be his girlfriend, I couldn't turn him down. He had so much hope in his eyes, that stupid adorable grin on his face and his hair was just the right amount of messy. He still had his croaky morning voice and marks across his chest and torso from where he left funny on the sheets. It was a normal freezing cold Sunday morning in winter, and you had just made me my coffee exactly how I liked it, we sat on the floor of the new apartment that we shared with the boys and you just popped the question. I almost choked on my coffee, spitting a bit out on the hard wood floor.

Obviously I said yes, I thought that if I gave it time that maybe I would develop feelings for him along the way, but I didn't. So I just came out with it, straight forward and told him the whole story. I hated the sight of him after I said it all, he had watery eyes and his face was blotchy and red, low sobs escaped his mouth. It hurt a lot, so I moved in with Michael in a new apartment, and I'm happier now. I hate to say it but I honestly am.

It was late morning and I had decided to write Calum a letter, it was a bad idea but I didn't want him hating me forever. So here it went.

Dear Cal,

I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on or hurt you, like I said, I thought that I would develop feelings along the way of our relationship but I didn't. Maybe I'm just not the girl for you, the right girl is out there somewhere, I promise. If you already know her or maybe you've already met her, I want you to be happy. Please tell Luke that I didn't mean to hurt you, I don't want either of you being mad or angry or upset with me. I love you two like brothers and I don't want anything to change that you'll always love me back. I have just recently bought an apartment with Michael, we're living in a small city suburb in Sydney, and I couldn't be happier. I hope that I find the right guy as well, any girl would be so lucky to have you. Where as I'm just a sad mess, waking up crying in the middle of the night is the worst part, because I don't even know why I do it most of the time. The other times I guess I just soak up all of the bad thoughts and put them into one big thought. It hurts but I can cope. I love you, Calum (like a brother). Forgive me.

Love from, Belle.

I folded it over, sticking it in the envelope and seeling it my licking the sticky part. I put a sticker on the corner and wrote the name, address and post code. I sat it on the coffee table near the fruit bowl which was currently empty, Michael being a fruit fanatic. I gave myself a mental note to remember to give it to the postman when he comes by next. I heard footsteps and I snapped my head around in thr direction of the doorway that led to our bedrooms. Michael stood there, rubbing his eyes. His pink hair was a complete mess and his boxers hung low on his hips. He liked being naked and I was use to it.

"Morning." I said and he nodded, giving me a weak smile. "Hey." His voice came out groggy and raspy, not like his usual bright voice. "2pm, its a new record." I exclaimed and he chuckled. "I thought my record was three." He shrugged, grabbing the orange juice and drinking straight from the carton. "Eww." I scrunched up my nose and he grinned. "Cutie."

 

[robin thicke voice] hey hey hey. its short but i don't care tbh. im tired because i had soccer tryouts today and my legs hurt a lot, but hey, i got a new chapter. ill probably update every night if possible? if i don't have time then maybe every two or three nights. bye.

xx b