Fireproof

4

"I'll be back in 4 days then I'll never leave you again I promise" louis tells me as I fight back tears watching the lads come to pick him up to take him for his bachelor party in Vegas. I feel cruel for getting upset, I know he deserves a bachelor party with the lads and I genuinely hope they will have a great time but I just really hate goodbyes. I'll be ok once he's gone.

"Thats enough, hand him over" demands Niall as we kiss goodbye on the doorstep for a seventh time. 

I eventually let him go and he blows me a kiss as he gets into the car.

I wave him off and head back inside his house. I'm staying here whilst he's gone because, well, its a freaking mansion! There's no competition between my house and this!
I go into the kitchen and flick on the kettle. I figure a cup of tea will warm me up after spending too long outside seeing him off in the bitter cold and then I can get on with my weekend. Moping won't help make these four days go any quicker but luckily I've got plenty to keep me occupied. 12 days until the wedding and so much to organise.

I'm just pouring my tea when my phone beeps. I read the text.

Miss you already. Don't be worrying about me. Will call you when I land. I love you and cant wait to marry you. Don't be crying be happy. This is a happy time xx

I smile as I read it and hit reply.

Can't wait to marry you either, 12 days! Im ok don't worry about me I won't get upset now I just hate saying goodbye, im just making a cup of tea to warm up then im going to carry on with the wedding plans. I love you xx

My phone beeps again.

Go upstairs and put my grey adidas hoody on, its on the bed. I left it there for you because it will keep you warm when I cant. Put the heating on too and light the fire. Don't be cold you'll get sick and you can't be sick for our wedding! xx

I do as instructed and head upstairs and into his bedroom laughing at how soft he is as I go. When I get there his hoody is on the bed like he said but there is a single red rose lay on top of it. He really is too sweet.

I immediately put it on and take the rose back downstairs with me, placing it on the kitchen counter as I drink my tea and reply to his text.

"Much warmer now! Thanks for the rose you old romantic" I reply sending him a selfie in the hoodie with my rose.

A reply comes almost instantly.

"Less of the old! I love you. The lads are threatening to confiscate my phone if I don't put it way so I better do as I'm told. Speak later xx"

I sit down in the lounge with his laptop and a notebook and I'm not planning on doing much today other than sitting around planning our wedding.  My mum, Louis mum, his sisters and my two best friends are coming around later tonight for drinks and a girlie night in. I can't really have a bachelorette party because I can't tell anyone aside from the people I've mentioned that I'm getting married so I'm just having a low key girlie night in as my "last night of freedom...." it's a bit disappointing because it's a once in a lifetime thing I'm missing out on but the circumstances and who I'm marrying mean in more than happy to sacrifice it.
Louis can get away with his bachelor party because it wont really look suspicious to anyone that the four of them have gone for a lads weekend before the tour begins. It just looks like they're having a pre-tour holiday.

They've taken a couple of their security with them and a few of their childhood friends. All people they know they can trust with our secret.

In other news I have an appointment tomorrow at a dress maker in London, I discovered it's too short notice to order one from a bridal store - they expect you to order a year in advance - so I've managed to get a dress maker to agree to custom make me something similar to one I've seen and love online.
Bridesmaids dresses are going to have to be bought from a department store off the rack. I've got 5 bridesmaids and there is no way we could get dresses custom made in time. I've seen some by Monsoon in the right colour so I'm going to check them out after my appointment in the city tomorrow. 

Before louis left I got him to draw up a guest list of people he wants to invite and this afternoon I'm working on a table plan. Thankfully, the nature of it being a secret wedding means that our guest list is small. There are only 35 people attending so it doesn't take me long to work out where to seat people. Louis will have to check it over to make sure I haven't seated anyone who doesn't get along together so I'll have to wait until he's home to finalise it and hand it in but at least it's kind of sorted.

I check the wedding planning website I've been using to help me to organise things.

*wedding cake:
I decide to leave that in till louis is back. That's something we need to decide together.

*florist
OK that I can do. He won't care about which flowers we have I'm certain of that.  I call a florist in the city and and arrange to visit her shop tomorrow after the dresses are sorted.

*photographer
Louis is sorting this. He's met plenty of photographers in his time so he said leave it to him. He'll have to do this when he gets back from Vegas on Monday. I just hope somebody can squeeze us in. 

*transport
We don't need any. We're staying at the hotel where the ceremony is.

*rings.
Again not really something I can do without louis. I don't even know his ring size of what kind of ring he'd like.

I feel a stressed as I start to realise I can't really sort much out at all without him here and by the time he returns we'll have 8 days. This is a nightmare.

I move onto the next section hoping that maybe there's more I can do in this part, but soon realise it's even worse.

The ceremony
*Entrance music
*readings
*music through the ceremony  
*vows

Oh. Well I hadn't even considered any of that. We hadn't discussed any of it. I allow my mind to wonder, imagining me walking into the room and down the aisle when suddenly my stomach turns.
Who is going to give me away? I don't have anyone! 
I don't talk to my dad, I don't have any big brothers, my brother is 12! I'm not close to any of my uncles and my grandad passed away 5 years ago. Oh my god there's literally nobody. Not a man anyway. It will have to be my mum. She's literally the only possibility.
I get upset as I think of the fact I have to break tradition and have my mum give me away. I'd always imagined it being a man who protectively walked me down the aisle and handed me over like in the movies.

I try to take my mind of it by reading through the other things I need to sort out.

Music: I'm at a loss with. Personally I'd have a play list of one direction songs but I know there's more chance of hell freezing over than louis agreeing to that.  He's far too modest than to have his own music played. I'll have to have a think and chat with him about it, but yet again he isn't here so as with everything else - it will have your wait.

Readings:
Well first of all I didn't even realise people had readings at weddings so I Google it. It turns out people have poetry read or extracts from literature. I've literally no idea what we could have? I'm not big on poetry or classic liteature and I'm pretty sure louis isn't either. This isn't a decision I can make alone anyway so it will have to wait until he gets back....

Suits: That's something he will have to sort out. Again, when he's back from Vegas.

First dance: That's definitely a decision we need to make together.... and again I want a one direction song that I know he won't have.

Other than that there's things like my hair and makeup,  accessories, underwear and shoes. I suppose I'll just have to focus on getting those sorted.

I can't help but feel upset that there's not more I can do, he's left me here to plan our wedding and I feel like he's just going to come to an even bigger list. I'm useless at this and I feel now I'm going to let him down. We're 12 days away from getting married and I need him but he isn't here. I miss him.   The tears I fought back when he was leaving earlier finally descend.... and just when I thought I was doing so well....