dear you, (2)

september 19th, 2014

dear you,
today was supposed to be our 6-month anniversary, but instead it was the worst day of my life.
i'd woken up to a bunch of missed calls from you, and texts that i didn't see.
you were saying you couldn't do it anymore, that you needed me, then you said that you loved me, and that you were so so sorry.
i got out of bed so quickly and ran to your house.
the door was unlocked and i saw your mom sleeping on the couch.
i went upstairs to your room and saw you laying on the floor, with an empty bottle of pills next to you.
i dialed 911 and screamed at them to send help.
i held onto you tightly after they hung up.
i screamed and cried and shook you, trying to wake you up.
"please! please cody be alive!"
i begged.
i didn't know if you could hear me or not.
once the ambulance got there they told me i couldn't ride, that i'd have to meet you at the hospital.
i didn't care.
i got into my car and drove faster than the ambulance, arriving at the hospital before you did.
i watched them wheel you inside to the critical condition unit, and i got pushed back by a nurse.
she told me i couldn't go in there right now, that i'd have to wait.
so now i'm sitting here, writing this to you, hoping that you'll be awake soon to read it.
i love you.

love,
april