dear you, (2)

november 23rd, 2014

dear you,
im hoping you found this.
im hoping my mother recognized you.
i told her about the situation.
she actually looked like she was half listening.
so maybe she knew who you were and told you to look in my room.
i told her to do that in the letter i wrote to her.
i told her to let you go in my room and take whatever you wanted.
but i also told her not to tell you she knew who you were.
so i'm really hoping that you found this and you're reading it right now.
i loved you, so much.
i didn't put this in my other letter because i didn't want the police reading it.
but i want you to read this whole journal, if you haven't already.
i hope these words i wrote will make you feel something, remember something, anything, about me, about us.
you were my everything cody, and i liked to think i was yours.
if you do read this, and it does make you feel something or remember, than i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i didn't tell you who i was.
i'm sorry i ran out of the hospital.
i was too afraid to face the fact that you didn't know who i was anymore.
i was afraid to see your eyes without that light in them when you looked at me.
damn i really fucking loved you.
so i'm sorry.
i'm sorry for not waking up when you texted and called me.
i'm just so fucking sorry.
i miss your eyes, and
i love(d) you.
always remember that.

love,
april