That One Time I Went on a Quest

Arkai (2/2)

The bath in the basement takes two back-breaking hours to clean, during which the innkeeper had the gall to poke his nose in and ask if I needed any help. No sir, your fine establishment is unique in its offering that the guests get to clean out the bath themselves, and it would be remiss for me not to thoroughly partake in what is bound to be your most popular tourist attraction. By the way, why is your inn doing so poorly? Ah, the state of the economy, yes of course.

After that it's off to the kitchen, where two cooks (both older than my grandad) plus the stable boy are trying frantically to cook for the thirty Ink Scouts that had showed up unannounced.

No one pays any mind as I stroll in, fire up a stove, and grab an armful of vegetables from the pantry. Just another little person, going about his business.

Haylis barges in during my attempt to make a stew and a stir fry at the same time, and instead of helping, starts whining about how she's being given the run-around as if – surprise – esquires are supposed to be constantly working. The sentence "I didn't sign the stupid contract" comes up twice a minute, and despite all the banging and shouting (as befit a kitchen) she just keeps on talking and talking and talking.

'...and the minute I sit down he tells me to go pick up sandals! Sandals! When it's raining all day every day! Where am I supposed to get those? And what kind of dragon slayer wears sandals? If I'd known he was coming I'd never have come along in the first place. He orders me around as if I've signed the stupid contract –'

'Why did you come along?' I yell at her above the browning onions.

'What?'

'I mean I...I'd understand if you don't want to keep going anymore.'

'Are you kidding? Aunt Kath needs me. I know the little giants.'

'What?'

'I KNOW THE LITTLE GIANTS.'

'Yeah I heard you, but what?!'

'I speak their language and my family owns a third of their coach business. If she needs to talk to them I'll have to be there.'

'Oh...that makes sense.'

We will probably end up hiring one of their coaches sooner or later; it's the fastest way to travel by a large margin. Striking a deal with the little giants isn't easy though, since there is a quirk to learning their language that stops most people from trying: one must be born with the ability to hear low pitches – really, really low, that kind that shake bones and clatter teeth.

'I find your surprise offensive,' she says glumly.

'No it's...it's actually the most sensible thing I've heard in a while.'

'Alright then. So why are you here?'

Here the conversation stops, because I couldn't come up with a single reason. Kathanhiel certainly doesn't need help with fighting – fifty trained assassins couldn't put a scratch on her. Despite her "fever" she's perfectly capable of doing everything herself. What else? I suppose she does need someone else to clean out the bath; having the hero of the Realms scrubbing the tub just doesn't seem right.

Maybe that's why she chose me: I make a good servant.

Ah...that's depressing. Can't think about that.

'Kastor? Kastor! The stew!'

Bubbling liquid is very effective at breaking trances. So are boils.

I finish clearing the table as night falls. Arkai goes to stand by the door as Kathanhiel lights up a roll of incense and beckons us over. 'I'd hoped to spend more time in rest but...Arkai has bought ill news; the urgency of our quest is now such that there can be no more delay. We will leave at first light and ride for the enclave of the little giants. I aim to be on their coach and moving by midday.'