Everything

V

With the fresh new morning came the prospect of returning to work once again.

Monday mornings were usually tough but after a weekend of heartbreak, heels and hangovers I was both physically and emotionally drained and therefore less than ready for the stressful week ahead.

I tossed the cool white sheets aside and stretched my arms wide to a snowy New York skyline as the curtains were drawn back.

As Spencer slept last night, I was the epitome of an insomniac, wide awake with my thoughts, mirroring the city that never sleeps, so I had poured myself a glass of water and watched the flashing lights of Times Square and the snow fall in its inches.

Although the alarm had gone off around twenty minutes ago, a seemingly exhausted Spencer had slept right through and I didn't have the heart to tell him it was time to get up.

After our minor run-in at the club, we hadn't spoken much except for the usual pleasantries. Spencer seemed pissed off about the way I'd dismissed him and I was pissed off because he was pissed off and in a bad mood. We weren't usually around each other for this long. Sure, we were best friends, but I'd stay at his place for a few hours, maybe one night and then go home. Now, this was home and we were practically living together in the little informal arrangement we had going on. Hell, I hadn't even asked him properly if I could continue to live here!

Maybe I've overstayed my welcome?

I resolved to go apartment hunting as soon as possible in an attempt to alleviate the tension that was so obviously present between Spencer and I.

Yesterday, I had ventured out of the apartment in the hopes of finding some new clothes and the fear of being confronted by Mark at his apartment if I wanted to collect my belongings. I decided to withdraw a small sum from the bank to tide me over until I plucked up the courage to drop my reticence. I had tried so hard over the last two days to forget all the events of the last year but it was far more difficult than I thought it would be. Despite now being able to see the appalling way in which Mark had treated me over the course of our relationship, a small part of me was still in love with the man I'd thought he'd been. But I was determined to put that all behind me now and find someone who treated me with the respect I deserved.

For today, I had selected a high collared white lace blouse with wide legged white trousers and a cut-off white boot. In my thought process, white was a colour that would make me look a bit more vibrant and erase all traces of the hangover I'd woken up with on Sunday morning. To me, appearance was the first step and I would be needing all the help I could possibly get in maintaining a positive outlook for the gruelling week ahead.

I sighed at my reflection in the mirror looking straight into my eyes, steely yet full of emotion. At that moment I couldn't help but notice my reliance on Mark. Over the past year, I'd always looked for his approval and his confirmation in absolutely ever aspect of my life. I had completely lost control of the cards I'd been dealt and the realisation of that fact had my subconscious tearing at the edges of my brain, attempting to break free in utter panic.

Taking a deep breath, I attempted to calm myself. I'd graduated cum laude from college and had basically done a year of journalism for Spencer, helping him to catch up. As he would say, I was 'bloody well good' at academia, and I was also good at my job, losing only a handful of cases, a shoe-in for partner. I mentally slapped myself. There was no way that I could continue leaning on a man to give me affirmation about the powerful, strong and successful woman my parents had raised me to be.

The last year would remain in the past as a minor blip in the course of my life, one of those lessons you could pass onto your children. That was it. Mark Holloway's existence in itself was nothing but an inconvenience and all he had been doing was anchoring me down, preventing me from becoming the full version of myself.