Everything

XXXI

"Baby, dry your eyes."

Spencer was pressing tissues into my palm as I sat covered in blankets on the sofa, crying for my second hour straight.

I could only imagine what kind of state I looked, with obviously puffy eyes and lips and a tear stained face, but if it bothered him, Spencer didn't show it, as he'd sat next to me for the last two hours, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead as I cried, soaking his t-shirt through. Cookie, my adorable not-so-kitten-anymore, could evidently sense something was wrong with his mom, and had joined me on the sofa, nuzzling his furry head against my arm and prompting me to stroke him. But I could only do it half-heartedly.

Licia probably never wanted to see me again and it was all my fault. I should've never kept this from her. I just hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings.

"Sweetheart, it's okay." Spencer sat down on the sofa again, holding my free hand in his, and stroking his thumb over my knuckles in a gesture which kept me calm, "She just doesn't know yet. When she understands how much we love each other, she'll get it. I promise."

My chest ached, torn in two. How was I meant to choose between my best friend, the girl who meant the most to me in the entire world, and the man I was in love with, the man I couldn't imagine my life without? No. It was impossible. I wouldn't. I couldn't.

Surely, I couldn't?

"This is all my fault." I croaked, my voice barely above a whisper.

I didn't have to look at Spencer to know he was frowning at me.

"Adri, this isn't your fault." he replied, "It isn't anyone's fault. We just fell in love. That isn't a crime. And it isn't something we have to hide. I'm glad Licia knows."

"Glad?!" I exclaimed, twisting at the waist to stare up at him, my voice hoarse, "That experience made you glad?"

He shook his head, pursing his lips with a sigh, "Look, that's not what I meant. But I don't want to keep this from anyone anymore, A. And I especially don't want to keep it from Licia. This should be a happy time for us. We're in a relationship, we're in love. That isn't some dirty secret or a reason to sneak about. I know we haven't been exactly upfront about all of this, but now is the time to rectify all of that. You and me." Spencer kissed the top of my head again.

I just didn't know what to say to that. Licia wouldn't see it like that. She hadn't. To her, we were just sleeping with each other and lying to her about it. She wasn't going to see how Spencer had made me fall madly, head over heels in love with him. All she was going to see was that her best friends had betrayed her. That I had been telling her one thing about Spencer and then following it up by doing another. That I was the woman he seemed to be giving up womanizing for.

The tears welled in my eyes, "I know, Spence."

"Baby, my number one priority is you and making you happy. Of course I want us to sort this out, but it's you - you're the one I care about, okay?" he said simply.

"I know Spence," I repeated, kissing his cheek, "I love you."

"I love you too." he tilted my face so my lips fit against his, "More than anything in the world, you know that, right?"

I could sense his hesitation in that moment. It was in the way his fingertips only skimmed my hair, when usually he would hold my hair or the back of my neck, the infinitesimal part of his lips and the soft sigh in the back of his throat.

Pulling away, I shot him a puzzled look, "What's wrong, Spence?"

He shook his head, "Nothing...I just...well, I do wish Licia was happier about this."