Everything

XXVIII

I missed my boyfriend.

There. I said it.

For the past couple of days I had been trying to push Spencer out of the forefront of my consciousness. After all, he was over 4,000 miles away, probably pre-occupied by business meetings, acquisitions and mergers, and not thinking about me at all. But, given the way we'd left things, I couldn't help but pine after him.

I'd been a fool meeting up with Mark knowing how Spencer felt about him, and the least I should have done was tell my boyfriend that I had to interact with Mark. The most I could have done was ignore my ex entirely and damn the consequences. Spencer and I had always been honest with one another. It was something I loved about our relationship. It was built on loyalty, the ability for me to tell him everything and vice versa. It had never crossed my mind that it would be any other way.

After our... heated....exchange, Spencer had left me exactly where he'd found me, right there in the kitchen. We hadn't spoken since. He'd left presumably in the early hours of the morning, as when I'd woken up the next day, he was long gone, with not so much as a note to say goodbye.

I knew what the silent treatment meant from Spence. He was pissed off, and would remain that way.

Of course, I'd known he would be annoyed by my meeting with Mark, hence the reason I had avoided mentioning it. But to accuse me of cheating? A sick feeling sat heavy in the pit of my stomach. Did he really think I was capable of that? We'd said we loved each other. We told each other every day. So, then to have Spencer turn around and question my loyalty, my love, in the most serious way possible? Heartbreak was an understatement.

I was worried sick. Spencer would usually text or call me whenever he landed in a new country across the world. I was paranoid about that kind of thing, and not the best flyer, so he always tried to soothe me, even when we were just friends. This time? Nothing. And when I hadn't heard from him in two days, I started to panic. I had called Sebastian, Spencer's brother, who, after calming me down from hyperventilating into the phone, let me know that he'd spoken to Spencer mere hours previously, and that my boyfriend was okay. It put my mind at ease. Even if he wasn't talking to me, he was safe, and that was all I needed right now.

Since Spencer had left, I tried to carry on as normal. Dragging myself out of bed, I'd dived head first into my cases. It was what I did best. But no matter how much I immersed myself in work, Spencer Ethan Haywood was at the front of my brain always. And I missed him like crazy.

More than anything, I just wanted to tell him how sorry I was. I would never, ever jeopardize what I have with Spencer. Not ever. He was everything to me. There was also the fact that I'd known this man for far too long not to be able to tell how he was feeling. He was hurt, and I could see it. That was my last intention. I wanted to apologize. To tell him how much I love him. But the way we left things had me laying awake at night, wondering whether he would want to end it all once he came back from Costa Rica.

I wanted to talk to my best friend. But he was in a whole other country. So, I had to talk to my other best friend. I had to talk to Licia.

My relationship with Licia since Spencer and I had started dating made me feel a myriad of emotions. Mostly sadness and regret. I wanted to be able to share the main source of happiness in my life with my best friend. But with this secret hanging over my head, I felt as if we had drifted apart. There was always something I wouldn't be able to tell her. And that hurt me all over again.

Licia sat on the sofa in my new corner office with her heels off and her feet tucked under her, eating the extra portion of chicken teriyaki and noodles I'd made for her, heated up in the microwave on the office floor. She'd worked the late night shift down at the police department, working on a homicide case, and told me she needed to 'clear her head of all that sh*t' and couldn't sleep. So, naturally, she came to the office to give me a break.