Accepting Grace

Chapter 7

"Grace?" Grace clenched her eyes shut, trying to remember the voice. She had heard this voice before. But where? "Grace?" the voice came again.

This time Grace opened her eyes to see the secretary above her. "What?" she asked irritably.

The secretary flinched then sighed. "I've contacted the police and the family you stayed with last night will be here to pick you up any minute."

Grace shut her eyes tight again, then sat up slowly. Them again? How hard was it to find a family to take her in? Was she really that unwanted that she had to stay with a temporary family?

Maybe I should just stay here.  Grace thought. Then remembered why she wanted to leave and pushed that thought out of her head. How inconsiderate could Alyssa get? Couldn't she see how much Grace was hurting without the topic of a god? Grace inwardly sighed. But she is still my friend.  Grace sat and contemplated if she should go to school the next day. Where she might she even be tomorrow?

After asking herself multiple non-answerable questions Grace saw Bethany Fullock dragging Joel and Gabby behind her as she walked up to the front office looking worried.

"Grace are you okay?" she asked upon entry of the building. "It's been less than two hours what happened?"

"Nothing major. I just made a mistake, I have too many memories with my family here. I can't. Not today." Grace rubbed her red eyes and stood up. Clearing her head of cobwebs she watched Bethany figure out how to sign her out, pen hesitating over the reason box then quickly scribbling something the Grace didn't bother to see. As soon as Bethany signed the paper Grace was free and she broke into a sobbing run out of the building. She ran to the car she assumed was Mrs. Fullock's based on what she was dropped off in and tumbled in.

She climbed into the back and shut the door. Rubbing her tear stained face, Grace took deep breathes. Then almost started crying again. Whenever she had been upset before her mother would come into her room... and rub her back.. she say in her soothing voice, "Deep breaths baby. It'll be okay."

"No. No. No. How can this be?" Grace huddled in the back and muted herself as Joel and Gabby climbed in and were buckled into their seats. Shivering the whole ride home Grace tried to calm her fears. But knew that it would never work. Every bounce of the car. Every song that was played and every laugh from Joel and Gabby was a stab into her heart. Her sister would never be able to grow up. She would never reach this goofey and cute age.

Grace looked up to see Bethany glace at her in the rear-view mirror. Knowing she looked like death. No. Death would be kinder than the state she had found herself in.

Grace let her body bounce and move. She didn't care. They arrived at the Fullock's house and Bethany quickly got the children out. Leaving the door open, but Grace inside. Which was fine with Grace. She would be alone. But to her dismay Bethany came back out of the house five minutes later and told her to get out of the car. "I've put one a movie for the kids so you have a while. Come to the bedroom, please," she added the 'magic word' at the end. Grace glared but unbuckled and allowed herself to be brought upstairs and to the room she had occupied the night before. She flopped onto the floor. And was surprised when Bethany left. Even more surprised when she came back, only this time with a book.

It was big, and purple but Grace immediately knew what it was. Bethany sat herself next to Grace and read her a couple interesting stories with morals of redemption. Like the man Jesus, healing the sick, or the king David and his wife Bathsheep (or something like that), or a man named Job who had everything taken from him. Grace felt herself calming and she listened to Bethany talking and reading from the bible. While she knew where this was going, the stories told were interesting and confusing. How could a perfect god still love those people? Why would he? He must be an idiot or just mean since he let these things happen.

The last thing Bethany read wasn't a story. "Psalm 34:18," she started. "'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' Grace I know it is hard to believe. Especially now, but God loves you." Bethany shut the book and laid it in the angry girls lap. "I'll be downstairs if you need me or want to talk. About anything."

You mean if I want to be "saved". Grace thought sarcastically. But as soon as Bethany left she felt curious. What was this whole big book about? It had interesting stories but also sentences that make me feel scared and wanting to weep? As soon as she let her curiosity get the better of her, she felt guilty. This was against everything she had been taught. How could she turn away now? She had to carry on what her family believed. Grace slammed the book shut again and flung it across the room. She closed her eyes and counted to ten. When she opened them the book was still where she had left it and looking out the door it seemed like no one heard her or maybe it was just no one cared.

Sure no one was looking Grace ran to the book and picked it up. Feeling guilty for throwing something that was obviously so precious to the woman trying to help her feel better. But not even a good story could do that. She set the book down carefully next to the inflatable mattress and decided she would pray, one time. "God if you are real, just let me die."

Grace cried. Then fell into merciful sleep.