I miss you, best friend.

Chapter 31

When I was young I've always wanted to grow up.
Mainly because I thought growing up would make me happier.
Like how I could drive my own car or stayed at my own dream house or going on a trip with my friends and fall in love with nature and people.
Ouh or how I could finally speak up without feeling the fear.
Older people and movies really made me believe in those stuff.
It makes me excited to grow up.

But as I'm growing up I started to realise that all those things that I believed was nothing but just pure lies.
All of em are just an illusion- a perfect one.
I still remember when I asked one of my friends "what is love?"
And I thought that she would tell me a long beautiful love story with beautiful endings like the one in the movies we watched when we were young.
But instead she told me about heartbreak.
How sad is that? I mean like for years and years I thought I knew what love was.
And now the truth is finally being revealed. I guess i never knew what love was. But I pretended as if I knew what it meant.

You know someone once also told me, the most common pain of growing up that we will all go through is losing friends.
Of course as we grow older we will find out who is our true friend(s)-The one who will always be there for us without us asking for them.
But just imagine a friendship that lasted for ages came to an end at this age- the age when friends are needed the most.
Just imagine how painful it is.
It's like the pain of losing them will always and forever be vivid in our small mind. Sad sad sad.

And now as I'm older/ growing up I realised how stupid I was for wanting to grow up, for wanting to live on my own and for wanting a beautiful love story. Cause right now, I realised none of that will ever come true without having my fragile heart breaks to tiny little pieces.