Mind Over Matter

i.

c o l d f e e t

It’s been three years since Aria left town. She and her mother moved to another state, one very far away. Her mom found a job there and since then, they haven’t been on good grounds. It was a great opportunity for her mom and all but Aria had too much to let go off, she didn’t have any clue on how to do it. So instead of moving on, she became more attached to it and isolated herself to almost anything new.

Every day, she and her mom quarreled. It’s either something serious and had quite a depth to it or something shallow. It really didn’t go away and she thinks that it’s mostly her fault.

Aria got used to it and sometimes, she already considered herself numb–unaffected by these fights. She keeps her mouth tightly shut about how she feels because opening up scared her. But when she’s filled up, close to overflowing, she just explodes. It’s been happening to her often now and it’s getting kind of out of hand. And because of this she snaps easily, too easily.

As she woke up, irritation found its way to crawl up to her mind in an instant. For what reason, she doesn’t know exactly.  She also didn’t get much sleep last night due to thinking a lot. Her thoughts would tend to just wander and wander, there wasn’t any particular subject.

Loud footsteps bounced around the room, the sound escaping the thin plywood walls. Her feet were bare and cold against the floor. She got ready for school and as soon as she was over, she hustled down stairs— the soles of her sneakers squeaking.

Her mother was drinking coffee in the kitchen while reading the daily paper. The fire in her eyes was burning brightly even through her reading glasses. It filled the room with warmth, contradicting the chilly morning due to the rain. When she heard Aria walk in, she greeted her a good morning without looking up from her paper. Aria ignored her and searched for anything to eat. She fiddled with the cabinets on top of her.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” her mom asked in a concerned tone.

Aria snatched a cereal box that was behind walls of packed oats and canned goods. “Nope,” she said sharply as she poured in the content in a bowl. Being lactose intolerant, she didn’t put milk.

“Why?” The window beside them was fogged and drops of water raced down the clear glass. The rain drizzled.

 “I was thinking,” she replied.

“Thinking of what?” This time, her mother paid full attention to her angst-ridden daughter. She stared at Aria, trying to figure out her mind was working at the moment.

Aria’s expression was unruffled. “I don’t know.” she said, half-expecting her mom to believe it. Although it doesn’t sound like it, she was speaking the truth. Everything at night was a blur to her. And, apparently, it keeps her up.

Her mom, on the other hand, stared at her oddly. Aria didn’t seem to notice but when she did, she said: “Probably the Exorcism of Emily Rose.” Her mother cringed. “Just because it’s your name,” Aria said. It came out muffled. “It doesn’t mean it’s a bad movie.”

“No, it’s not that. It hurts my head.”

The atmosphere in the room suddenly became heavier and more serious. “Aria?” Emily said.

“Hmm?”

Carefully, her mom continued. “I received a call from your Math teacher, Mr. Lane, yesterday—“

“I don’t want to talk about it.” she said instantly, cutting her mother off. The storm in her grey eyes rumbled as she rose up from where she was seated. She dropped the bowl in the sink forcefully. “I’m going to be late,” she said, eyeing her mother. “See you later.” The raindrops splashed and landed on the pavement irregularly as she walked to the front door.