HALFWAY

Blue or Pink?

Today marks the day of my 16 week scan, the scan where I could possibly find out the sex of my baby - if I wanted to, that is. Which I didn't. But Brian on the other hand, wanted to know more than anything.

"Do you know how much harder it'll be to buy stuff for an 'unknown gender'?" Brian asked, finger quoting along the way.

"Just because we won't know if it's a girl or boy doesn't make it any less of a baby. Get outta here with the 'unknown gender' finger quotations." I laughed, shaking my head. I was definitely excited at the enthusiasm he had been starting to show, considering when he found out about the pregnancy he was much less than enthusiastic. He had a hard time coming around, but every day he'll mention the baby more and more, especially the last few weeks when I have heard nothing other than him trying everything under the sun to convince me to find out the gender before the birth. "I just want it to be a surprise.. Please?" I asked, taking my eyes off the road to look over at him, catching him sigh in response.

"Alright... But if you change your mind.."

"I won't." I smiled at him, cutting him off knowing that he was about to throw another attempt of persuasion into the mix.

"If boyfriend abuse isn't a thing then I'm gonna make it a thing, just so you know."

"You're so dramatic." I replied, rolling my eyes.

As we pulled into the hospital car park, I looked over at Brian once more, he was staring ahead, clearly in a different world. He looked nervous. He had every right to be nervous, I felt the same way. But this was also his first scan that he had accompanied me to, so I'm assuiming his nervous glance was down to him processing that this was actually real, that it was all actually happening. Much like I did at my first scan. Especially because he wasn't there, but now we were together, our relationship was strong. I was definitely hoping for this to be a happier time once we got inside the room.

"You okay?" He asked, squeezing my hand as we walked into the entrance.

"Me? You're the one cutting off the circulation in my hand." I giggled softly.

"This is really happening, huh?" He asked, as we walked to the area of the hospital that we needed to be at, sitting outside in the waiting room.

"Best believe it." I said looking down at my stomach, which was still pretty flat, but finally getting a little shape to it.

To my relief - as Brian tapping his foot on the floor constantly was about to push me over the edge - we got called in relatively quickly. I walked in first, climbing onto the bed as Brian took the seat next to me.

After a few standard questions, I had to have a few routine blood tests, grasping Brian's hand in midst of my needle dislike.

After she had finished, she returned to her seat, looking up at Brian and I once more.

"So, any last questions before we start the scan?" She asked, looking back and forth between us both. I was about to keep quiet, thinking my question might be possibly too out there, but she had probably heard it -if not heard worse- before.

I scrunched my face, trying to figure out the best way to phrase it, completely embarrassed, almost. But I needed peace of mind.

"I've noticed that more frequently I've been wanting.. wanting sex a little more frequently." Brian instantly turned his head so he was now looking at me instead of the doctor. Of course he would. "Like.. Are all positions allowed? Now that the baby is getting bigger?" I was all but ready to cover my face, and I was more than sure that my face was flushing with redness, especially as I could see Brian smirking at me in the corner of my eye.

"It's all totally normal. And the 16th week is usually the point in pregnancy where women start feeling that their libido is increasing. I'd say enjoy it while you can." She smiled at me and then at Brian. Yup, there was that wave of embarrassment once again.

After the cringe worthy questions were over, the actual scan was now taking place. Brian now sat closer to me as we gazed at the screen before us.

"So here is your baby." The sonographer smiled at us both. She began moving the equipment a little more. "Baby is 11.5cm long now. So around the size of an avocado."

"Is it... Sucking it's thumb?" I said, noticing a small arm bent towards it's face.

"Yes." The sonographer giggled.

"How cute is that?!" I turned towards Brian who was still staring at the screen, as if he didn't hear my comment at all.

"The nervous system is making connections to all their muscles so you might find your baby starts to move a little more." She continued, perhaps noticing the slight tension in the room. "Would you like to know the sex?" She asked, looking towards Brian, and then towards me. As I was forming the word, Brian deciding to come back down to planet earth.

"If she doesn't wanna know, can I at least find out?" He asked, and I couldn't figure out if he was asking the sonographer if it was allowed, or me if it was allowed. Usually I was adamant that neither one of us were to know, but perhaps if he were to find out, it would make him feel just that much more excitement, because it was not only two minutes ago where he had me feeling anxious when he wouldn't even acknowledge my question in regards of our child.

"I could write it on a piece of paper, if that's okay with mom?" She asked, looking at me. Which is when a piece of reality hit me. I was going to be this child's mom. He was going to be the father. He had as much right to know as I did or didn't in this case.

"That's fine with me." I replied, and looked away as she jotted down the sex of our baby onto a sheet of paper, not wanting any inkling of what he or she may be. I watched as she handed it to Brian, however, kept my eye on him as he lifted the paper, and took one quick look. As he placed the paper in his pocket, he let out a small chuckle along with a smile. "What, what was that about?" I smiled.

"Hey, you didn't wanna know anything, remember?" He smiled.

"Fine." I replied, as we got pictures from the scan printed and handed to us, I looked down and noticed that she had captured the moment of our baby sucking it's thumb.

"I will see you both at your next appointment." Our sonographer annnouced as we said our goodbyes and made the small walk to my car. I looked down at the pictures once more, finding that I couldn't stop myself from doing so, when I felt Q looking over at them also.

"You scared me a little in there." I found myself bringing something up that I hadn't actually planned on asking him.

"Why?" He responded, looking slightly confused.

"Because I was talking to you, and you wouldn't even look at me."

"You did?" He let out a small chuckle.

"So it was nothing bad? You felt no uncomfortable feelings in there? You're sure this what you wanna do?"

"You ask too many questions." He laughed once again. "I was in the moment, relax."

"Okay, fine. But one more question. Just a quick one, I promise."

"What?"

"Are you happy with the answer?"

A smirk came across his face, a look that I hadn't really seen began to appear in his eyes.

"More than happy." He replied.