Selena’s POV:
My eyes were basically water fountains at this point. I couldn’t stop myself from crying as I watched Jason lying on the floor next to me bleeding. I managed to get myself together and wrap Jason’s arm around my shoulder and lug him up on my bed and resting his head onto one of my pillows. He groaned and clenched his fists, scrunching up his face. “Jason I’ll get something to stop the bleeding just stay still okay? I’m so-“
"Selena don’t apologize." Jason hissed through clenched teeth.
I bitterly nodded my head and raced into my bathroom and grabbed a towel, quickly running it over cold water before jumping onto my bed next to Jason. I gently rolled up his blood stained sleeve and pressed the rag to it. I tried not to make eye contact with him because I didn’t know what to say. How do I even start off with this conversation?
"Selena, I’m sorry to come to you at such a late time. I didn’t know who else to go to and I know you hate me but I just didn’t know what to do…" Jason whispered beside me. His voice was full of despair and it seemed distant.
I pursed my lips, “It’s okay. Besides I don’t hate you… I am just unsure about you.”
We sat in silence for a while as I dabbed his cuts with the light red towel, already feeling a pang of guilt in me. He went through a lot of shit tonight and I can’t help but to think it’s my fault. First a guy came over to me that Jason had to get beat up for, then we was kicked out of the club. And in the car ride home I didn’t even say anything to him and I felt like a total bitch. What if it was my fault he did this to himself? My head was spinning and my stomach lurched and pulled making me feel nauseous.
"It isn’t your fault you know… it could never be your fault Selena." Jason said looking over at me and giving a crooked smile that seemed to be fake. I just nodded my head and continued to dab his cuts. I counted how many scars there were on his arm trying to distract myself. 18. He had 18 scars on his arm plus the new ones which added up to 23. I wanted to asked why, actually i didn’t want to ask I wanted to scream. This all didn’t even make sense to me and I was dying for an explination.
"Are you staying over tonight?" I shyed, blinking my eyes over at him.
"I don’t want to be rude. I shouldn’t even be here I’m sorry…" Jason said as his eyes started to droop to a close. He was such a cute idiot just like Justin.
A small smile spread across my lips, “Jason you can just sleep here tonight. I’ll clean you up and then I’ll sleep on the floor next to you and wake me up any time you need something okay?”
He groaned and rolled his tongue over his lips. “Selena you don’t have to do this. I’m a big boy I can handle myself. Maybe you should be worried that you are sitting in front of me in only a towel when you are dating my brother.”
"It isn’t like you haven’t seen me naked before so why should it even matter?" I snapped back instantly regretting my choice of words. Jason opened his eyes and glared at me for a second, his eyes a deep shade of brown but then they lightened up to a soft caramel and a tear rolled down his cheek. Fuck how could I be so stupid.
"Jason I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to-"
I was cut off when he leaned up and pressed his lips against mine. My body was frozen stiff and my eyes were wide, I didn’t know what to do. It felt weird, like his touch made me feel uncomfortable and from a different planet. I didn’t know what to do so I panic and kissed him back, feeling him place his hand on my neck. He pulled away and placed another quick peck on my lips before awkwardly smiling. “Sorry.” He breathed on my lips.
"Don’t apologize." I gulped. I didn’t know what to say? My boyfriend’s twin brother just kissed me. "Uh, you should go to sleep now. You need rest."
He agreed and rested his head back down on the pillow. I clutched the bloody towel in my hand as I stood up from my bed and walked over to my dresser. I tossed the towel on the floor next to me and started rummaging through my drawers trying to look for something to wear. I couldn’t stop my hands from trembling, I was a cheater. Not even a day into my relationship and I already kissed his brother. I felt so fucking confused and stupid.
I snatched up a pair of underwear and a light pink bra then took out one of Justin’s black t-shirts and started heading towards my bathroom. As soon as I closed the door behind me I instantly broke out in tears and slid my back down the door and hit the ground. I buried my face in my knees as I clutched my clothes to my chest. What was even happening right now? Jason is lying on my bed with self harm cuts all over his arm and he just kissed me?
Once I was done changing I nervously crept out of the bathroom to see Jason still sitting on my bed in the same position he was in but he seemed to be daydreaming about something. “Jason?” I asked curiously as I inched my way towards the bed. He snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at me.
"Hm?" He asked raising his eyebrows up at me. I shook my head and began to sit myself down on the floor next to the bed, curling myself up in a ball and resting my head on my soft carpet flooring.
"Selena please, sleep in your bed up here with me." I heard Jason pleed. I bit my lip trying to decide whether or not I should. What would Justin say if he found out about it? Well maybe he didn’t have to find out…
I got up from the floor and slid myself under the covers next to Jason as he wrapped his slashed up arm around me, pulling me close to his body. I let out a few shaky breaths as I placed my head onto his chest and heard the light sounds of his heart beating. My mind was still stuck on one thought: Why did Jason hurt himself? He seemed to be a fairly happy person as it is, I never thought he could do something this awful to himself.
"Why did you cut yourself?" I blurted out.
Fuck I shouldn’t have been so straight forward, I mentally cursed myself.
Jason let out a small sigh and started rubbing light circles into my back, “Life is already as hard as it is, but my life seems to be harder than everyone elses. I may come off as a completely cocky douchebag but if you actually knew me you would know how fucked up I actually am. Just because a person may seem happy on the outside, doesn’t mean they aren’t crumbling apart on the inside…I basically did it because I was upset with my life but with myself most importantly, and your boyfriend…”
"You mean Justin? Why would you be upset with him?" I asked as I felt him rest his head ontop of mine.
"He makes me feel so, hideous compared to him. I know we are twins but he knows how to carry himself to well and I just feel like complete shit. He is the better version of me and he always will be. He can get tons of girls meanwhile I can barely carry on a normal conversation with one. Hence why right now I am freaking out on the inside because no girl has ever rested her head on my chest or actually has the decency to stay with me longer than an hour." Jason rambled on, and during his depressing rant I heard his heart beat slowly start beating a little faster and faster with each sentence. He seemed to be so worked up about this and hearing how he thinks of himself actually hurt me.
"Jason, please stop thinking like this. I know you have done some bad things but people can change. You can change. Forget about everything in your past just think about starting a new life. I-I really want you to be happy Jason…I really do." I pleaded while nuzzling my face into his chest trying to hide my new forming tears. I wanted him to be happy. I know what he did to me was wrong but hearing all of the hurt in his words makes me want to rip my heart out and throw it out my window. I didn’t want him to be happy, I needed him to be happy. And I was going to help with that.
