what goes around, comes around.

happy new year

*I'd like to think that this is exactly what's on karma's mind the whole time.*

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Amy's been pacing in front of me for the last two hours talking, last two weeks, actually, about her and Sabrina's recent break up. And for that, I started zoning out again the minute she said "I just remember, Sabrina never wanted a dog! I mean I should have seen it right there that she's a really terrible person!" Here we go with the Sabrina party again.

I was thinking to myself, maybe it's the universe telling me that I really am finally feeling something for my Amy. Afterall, these thoughts, these dreams, what else could it mean?Then I remember, I am also selfish. That maybe these probably is just a charade myself learned to do whenever I get left out. Whenever everyone, specifically Amy, moves on from me.

But if that's the case, then why is my heart gigling at the sound of Amy's angry break up rant? Then I snapped back to reality just in time for "the yawning incident"

A: oh! and did I mention, that one time, when I yawned, and I'm pretty sure Sabrina didn't yawn after me?

She has been non stop talking about Sabrina. And as much as I hate hearing her name, I really can't do anything about it. I'm her best friend, she's supposed to talk shit about her ex with me. It's a constitutional right! And if this would help ease her pain, then I would happily listen.

Our house burned down, long story. And I blame "Diane" for it. Up side is though, I got to be rommies with Amy. It's the best thing ever. Maybe it's our fresh start. Maybe now that she's certain she'd move on with Sabrina, we could piece her heart back together. I'd help her pick up the little pieces. It's gonna be okay. Sooner or later, I'd be sure of how I feel. And when that happens, I'll confess to her. It'll all be okay. Plus we also get to rehearse and get a sneak peak of how it's gonna be in college. Just me and Amy, room mates in college.

One our first night, after brushing our teeth, we bidded our "goodnight roomie", (yes, we are gonna make it a routine!) Then I just remembered, I'm not going home anymore. Why are we even sleeping on a separate bedroom! I run across the bathroom,

" I forgot about one roomie perk!" Spontaneous late night dance party!!"

And then, there she was. Sitting in her bed, crying.

She's beating herself up again because of Sabrina. I really hate the bitch. I hated seeing Amy like this. She's so miserable She doesn't deserve any of this. If only I could do anything to make her feel better. I tensed up after she said:

"I really thought I was falling for someone who'd love me back.. that with Sabrina, I could have.." she stopped. Those gray eyes looking down in tears.

It took me all the courage to say "what I couldn't give you." While my heart was breaking into a million little pieces. I don't know how I could make this right. I want to tell her I love her but I just couldn't yet.

She continued " I can't believe I thought that could actually happen for me." And cried a bit more.

I held her in my arms thinking, maybe I should just tell her how I feel. Maybe it would be okay, it'll help her be less sad. That I'm here, I love her, I'd pick up all the broken pieces and I'll never hurt her.

Then I remembered, I've been hurting her ever since she confessed her feelings for me. I've been such a terrible friend. Thankfully, the best friend instinct in me ruled in. I can't let my Amy lose hope in love.I can't just let her heart break at bay while I figure out what I really feel. While I wait until im certain that I am in really falling in love with Amy. Sabrina has already hurt her. Her best friend can't hurt her too. So that night, I decided, right then, I want Amy to be happy.