Over The Ledge

Purpose

I can't seem to sleep on time.

But when I do fall asleep

I sleep till noon.

And when stress kicks in and wakes me,

I wish I could sleep longer.

I wish I could sleep for eternity.

But I can't. my psych teacher told us once

That stress is what kept us alive.

Stress is what wakes us up.

It's so ironic.

All this stress is what makes one want to sleep forever.

And yet, it is stress that wakes us up.

How sad.

My mom came into my room one day,

Asked me what was wrong with me.

What I did the whole day.

I said nothing.

Because it was the truth.

She however didn't accept that.

She said, "So all you're going to do is sit in here?"

And something made me tell her.

"I have no purpose." I say to her, 

finally

Willing myself some courage, pulling up some strength to talk to her,

To tell her how I actually felt.

To open up despite having a heart that's been

Broken and bruised

By her very lips.

And you know what she says?

She steps back, smiles jovially and heads to my door.

"Oh please, that's too funny. No purpose?"

I nod slowly, not wanting to believe what my eyes are telling me.

But eyes do not lie.

She was actually gonna do it.

She was gonna shrug it off.

Like always.

"That's my job."

She says this lightly, as if a joke. As if I would laugh right at the punch line---

"It's my job to have no purpose. Come on. Stop acting stupid."

Acting. She thinks I'm acting.

And to add salt to this burn, she thinks I'm acting like her

Great.

I'm never going to try and talk with her anymore.

Hurts way too much

Happens way too much.