One more night [jjk]

26

-Jungkook-

I woke up 7 minutes before she did. But she will never know.

i watched as she turned in her sleep and scrunched her nose whenever the sun would greet her delicate appearance.

my heart hurt everytime i saw her at peace. i wasnt the one gifting her with the life she wanted....she deserved.

watching how she turned to me with eyes slowly opening, i immedietely closed mine.

 scared of falling back into her brown orbs and not being able to get out

hearing the sound of her body turn in the sheets, i almost forgot how vulnerable we were to each other.

Our bodies rested naked but I felt tired. Exhausted.

Finished with the amount of pain I've given Hee Young for my selfish reasons.

she didnt deserve last night.

She deserved someone who would  treat every fiber in her body  as the piece of art she was.With fear of hurting her precious soul and not being able to return her the way they found her.

She needed someone who could show her love the proper way, not in lustful late night drinks in a hotel room.

Hee Young will never know how sober i was last night. How i remember every silly dance move she only had the guts to show at such late hours and after a couple drinks when no one could care less about her. But i watched as she gracefully moved across the floor, for her own amusement. How she would throw her head back as she yells out the overplayed club songs as loud as she could despite not knowing the lyrics. A smile plastered on her face before continuing to sway her body on the dance floor.

I wish she knew I hurt i was. Seeing as she was only able to completely let go of herself after a few drinks and loud music. I wish she knew how much I yearned for her to be at peace...

______________________________________________________________________________

"im sorry" i said

I wanted to reach out and pull her in my arms, stroke her hair and telling her how everything would be alright as long as we had each other....but that would be out of context. 

i was in no position emotionally to put her through the pain of me holding onto something we both knew wouldnt work out in the end.

but damn...did i want to prove to her how we could have been. How everything would have worked out if my life wasn't this way

  "last night...i-i let the drinks take over my actions and we didnt know what we were doing. I didnt know"  lies lies lies lies.

i knew damn well what was happening...and i knew i shouldnt have said some things i could never properly show but last night was something i will cherish for as long as i can. Because God knew I meant everything I said.

"i know" she breathed out sounding as if she was on the verge of tears

"Let's just.....pretend" i knew what she was going to say. But I couldn't help but pray she wouldn't say the expected

"Pretend everything didn't happen. This isn't healthy Jungkook...we're not healthy"

How can I pretend like meeting you in the alley where I was a broken mess wasn't the best thing that happened in my life? I am so madly in love with you but I'm always at a loss of words. How can I go to places we've been and pretend that I didn't fall deeper in love with you wherever we were. Whatever we were doing. You want me to act like my heart didn't shatter whenever you questioned my love for you? When words couldn't explain how I was feeling you knew how I felt Hee Young. But I guess love was the one thing you could never see through my broken eyes

So instead of staying here and begging for her forgiveness and for her to realize the reality of everything.

I knew she deserved better. Call me greedy but I wanted her to be mine.

But I knew I couldn't stretch something with someone who didn't see me the same way.

At least after last night i can let her go knowing she saw me the same way I saw her for at least one night.

I let her do what she needed to do.

Leave.

-
A/n: yes this is kookie's pov of the same events from the last chapter. I just felt like they needed to be separated.

Tomorrow I'm going back to school and I'm honestly so sad :(

Love you all,
Patricia