Bloody destiny.

Kester

Gonna tell you the story of my not awesome childhood experience with man. I'm sorry for every part that i write out of nowhere,but those are like little rips off of my life. Little pages ripped of my life. I'm also sorry for not updating so much. IT's just really hard to remember everything. I've been broken for many years,because of these pages that i'm trying to bring to you. So please be patient, because it really hurts writing. But i'm really trying. So sorry if anything is wrong.

Remember Kester? The one who tried shooting my mother?

Soooo. My my dad already left me and my mom. I was like 4 years old or less. And Kester started visiting us again. 

I don't remember if I told you,but i have brother. And that brother is from Kester and my mom. 

So okay. I don't remember how old was my brother(Arthur),but he was married on beautiful girl with black hair, fake tan and a lot of makeup(Sima). But he loved her. She got pregnant. It was a boy(Dainel). Literally copy of my brother,but with Sima's dark eyes. 

So we was like family kinda. We all visited each other. 

I didn't like their kid Dainel,because i was jealous. Every time when they came i was trying to do my stuff to not even look at him,but i always was forced to look after him while they all having fun out or drinking and stuff like that. So i was forced to look after that little kid who was still very small. But i really hated him. Why? Because of mom. She always gave all attention to him. All love went to him. As he grew up, my mom loved him more and more. I was hurt. I was crying, becasue i really needed that love and attention from mom, because i never felt loved. Everyone always shouted on me, abused me, told me how worthless i am. 
Don't they know? You are not supposed to tell little child that she is worthless or something like that. 
So i just had to deal with all that bullshit.
But sometimes Kester was visiting me and mom. HE seemed such a nice guy. Always played table games,monopoly,cards, shift battles and stuff like that with me. I kinda felt happy.
But oh well fuck it. One day when i visited brother, my mom was in the kitchen making food, my brother with his wife and kid was visiting wife's parents. So in their house was mom preparing food, and me with Kester in room as always playing table games and stuff like that. I was literally not older than 5 years. 
As we were sitting, and ended ship battle, he speaks up:
-Hey you wanna play another game?
-Yeah.- I told in excitement.
-The rules are not scream,not tell mom and just listen. Understand?
-Yup. That's easy.

-Now close your eyes and give me your hand.
I closed my eyes and reached my hand. Soon i felt my hand touching something soft from outside, but a bit hardened. 
-What is it? -I asked.
-I don't know. You tell me. Just guess.
-Ummm hand?

-No. But you can look.
I opened my eyes and i saw that his pants were opened ant i was touching it. I tried to pull my hand off, but he was holding my hand tight and putting in there. 
I freaked out and ran to kitchen.
But i didn't tell anything. I just sat near the table laughing as if we were just playing. He freaked out and ran after me, but when he saw that i was just sitting he relieved and told me to come with him to not bother mom.
And i was so scared that i didn't know what to do.
So i just followed him back. 
As we wen to the room, he locked it and told me:
-Good girl. Following the rules. There is no big deal. It's just a game. 
He smiled and i was trying to go out of the room i don't even know why. But he just took me and threw on bed. Then he climbed on tom of me and pressed me to bed. I was so damn scared. I tried pushing him of, but i literally couldn't do anything.
Then he kissed my neck. I almost screamed,but he suddenly covered my mouth.
-Remember the rules? Don't break them or game won't be fun.
So i just kept silent because i was scared. Of him,of mom,of brother. Of everyone.
I felt his hand between my legs and started crying. That's when he stopped. Because my mom called me from kitchen. 
I wiped off my tears and he let me out of the room. Mom asked me a question and then he came too and told to not bother mom and just stop running from room to room. Mom agreed. 
But then my brother and his wife came home. 
That's when he couldn't touch me anymore because there are too many people. So all adults was in the kitchen and i was just again forced to look after the kid. 
But i would rather look after child, than play those games.
Gladly nothing happened, but now i understand in what danger i was and what could have happened if they didn't come back. 
After that experience i was scared of men for a really long time.