Bitter Sweet (Jongtae)

A sudden development

Taemin p.o.v

regret. regret was the right word for what I felt at this very moment. I was kicking myself with embarrassment and anger. how could I make such a fool of myself and not even remember it? the heat coming off my face unbearable as he looked at me hoping I would remember something. God if only I could. If only I could pluck the memories  out of thin air and go "oh yes, last night" but I can't. I sit with my hands clenched and for a moment I feel what it's like to be an absolute complete fool.

He ruffles my hair "don't worry" he said smiling. It was warm ... his smile I mean. The kind of warm you feel right in your chest. The kind that makes you smile even without thinking.
"Okay" I smiled.
We kind of sat like that for a moment. Unable to do or say anything because we didn't know what to say. I was a bumbling mess and he was the kind and considerate one. He knew I was trying my best to remember but I just couldn't.

Now imagine this. In my head, I'm imaging beating myself up. I'm imagining what the night might have looked like. I'm remembering little things that's are stupid like when I went to the toilet or when that person fed me watermelon. Jesus who fed me watermelon?

Shaking those unanswerable questions out of my head. I look back he's staring at me. Smiling. My heart stops. A tight knot starting to form within me. I smile awkwardly and he does the same. God it's like looking in a mirror. I laugh he laughs. I blink he blinks. Back and forth. Repeatedly. he was gentle and kind and I was a mess that he seemed to tolerate.

"sorry" that stupid word tumbling out of my mouth.
he looked hurt. "why are you sorry?" he asked as though what I said was so hurtful.
"I'm sorry... just for everything" I said laughing weakly.
"122" he said sighing.
"what?" I said looking at him.
he was smiling softly at me now" that's how many times you have apologised to me" he said.
"really?" I laughed.
"yep" he said ruffling my hair.
"sorry" I laughed.
"123" he sighed.
"I am though" I said looking at my hands stupidly now.
"look you've over apologised by about 100 times so I think your now entitled to about 100 mistakes" he laughed. his voice was soft on my now burning red ears.

god. why was I such an idiot. every time he looked at me my face just flushed even deeper and I didn't want him to see that I was doing that stupid smile where it's not quite a smile and not quite a frown. I liked to title it me but that's not right either. my lips are a straight line of awkwardness which was my actual existence.

sighing now. wow I sure knew how to sum my life up. I laughed aloud. he looked at me confused.
I laughed awkwardly this time "sorry just having an internal conversation with myself" I laughed.

"what about?" he asked.
"just about my life" I said ruffling the back of my hair.
"what a deep subject to have in the morning" he said shaking his head.
"yes, I know but like it's what I do. I just kind of get lost in my own thoughts" I laughed.
"your certainly not boring, are you?" he smiled softly, patting me on the shoulder.

"hey! Taemin you want a lift home? we are leaving now!" key screamed.

he was partially impatient on the pure fact that he was exhausted. that was the problem with parties he hated the fact there was nowhere to sleep but the floor with some weirdo who would follow him all night and sure their passed-out carcass was a great pillow but it's when they woke up that was what bother him the most.

"coming the love of my life. the apple to my eye" I said sarcastically.
"don't make me smack you" key says as he stumbles out the door.

his hair is a mess. he's got sunglasses on and he's rubbing his temples as though it will fix the fact his hangover is now burying any kindness within him.

"bye " I say as I run after key.

Jonghyun p.o.v

"bye" he says running after key.

god. I can't take my eyes away from him. it's like I'm a magnet and he's the bloody fridge. I ruffle my hair. when did I become so tired? why does my heart ache?

"you know Jjong you really need to look less sad" Onew said downing a glass of water.
"can you not judge me" I say laughing.
"why can't I?" he asks grabbing a cold slice of pizza.
"do you even know where that pizza has come from. what its journey has been?" I ask.
Onew looks at the pizza "oh pizza tell me your story" he said as he placed it to his ear "yes.... oh no... really? I can't believe that... you poor thing" Onew said sympathetically.
"what's the pizzas story?" I ask.
"to be honest he's speaking Italian I have no clue just saying words that seem sympathetic" he says nodding.
I clap my hands "wow proud you".
"thank you" he says and then eats the slice.
"he might have had a family" I say dramatically.
"yes, and I will finish them off to" he laughs through a mouthful of pizza.

I stand up. god all I want to do is go to sleep and then maybe I will think better. after all I, can't help but think about this boy I've just met. I couldn't stop watching him. why couldn't I? I ruffle my hair in frustration. Jesus I've only just met him. what are these stupid feelings? I thump my chest and sigh.

"you really need to stop your internal monologues you have" Onew said as he judged me.
"I can't help it" I say looking dramatically off in the distance.

"you probably could" he laughed.
"I probably could but to be honest I can't help it" I laughed "and anyway you love me!" I added as I winked at him.

Onew looked at the pizza slice and then at me and repeated this sequence a few times before his said sadly "if only I didn't love food so much or this would have smacked you straight in the face" he said and then took a bite from it.
"you know what? I'm not even offended" I laughed.

Onew laughed loudly "go take a shower you stink!" he shouted at me.
"I'm going I'm going" I said as I shuffled out the room.

Taemin p.o.v

"so, what did you get up to?" Minho asked as he was driving home.
"nothing much" I said looking at the window.
"not what I hear" key smirked.
"and what do you hear?" Minho asked.
"I hear that there was a development. a rather sudden one" keys smirk widened.
"Oh really? what kind of development?" Minho asked as he looked at me from the rear-view mirror.
"none of your damn business kind of development" I smiled.
"oh, I have raised you well" key laughed as he wiped away an imaginary tear.

I laughed and continued to look out the window.

it sure was an interesting development but I can't even tell if it will be more than just a night or a day or a week or whatever it was but at the thought of this my heart did ache. why? I had no clue but why should one guy rattle me up when in the past week two have confessed to me and I have felt nothing.

I thumped my chest and sighed.

I'm so tired. so very tired.