Stars Dance

Starting Over

I pushed my blonde hair our of my eyes breathing in and out rapidly. I closed my eyes letting the memory pass behind my eyelids.

"I can't hold it in." Astella gasped out. She was trembling now. Her hands glowing yellow. The strands of her hair. Her legs. The nails on her fingers. Her once black costume. Everything yellow. "It's okay Astella." i told her.

Stupid stupid stupid. It wasn't okay though. Nothing was ok. She was dying. She knew it. The team knew it and we couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it. There was no way to stop it. I slammed my fist into the punching bag.

She nodded slowly her yellow eyes looking in my general direction. I couldn't tell if she actually knew i was there or not. She had mentioned not being able to see everything. Then everything seemed to radiate yellow. The very air surrounding here seemed to get sucked in like a black hole. She was smoking, literally. The concrete around here was melting. I slammed my fist against the punching bag not opening my eyes. She took off leaving a glowing yellow trail that disappeared after her and was gone in a second. She flew away so fast it created a sonic boom. Seconds later there was another giant BOOM.

I hoped i hadn't shown it but my heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself. I had lost the ability to breathe and my veins had run cold. Gone. She was gone. Just like that. Just like Bucky. Peggy. Again. I was alone. She was the only one i had let in after so long. I hadn't meant too but i gave her my heart and she gave me hers. Now she was gone and i was. Alone. With one final punch the bag flew across the room and smacked into the wall leaving a sizable dent and breaking the bag wide open. The sand poured out and i stood and watched it, sweat dripping down my forehead. Gone.

"I knew i would find you here." came a cool calm voice. I turn slowly to match the voice to the person.

"Agent Romanoff." i said slowly wiping my forehead with the back of my hand. She was leaning against the back wall arms crossed over her chest a look i couldn't place on her face. She was displeased but something else went along with it. I didn't look too hard. "What is it now?" i asked tiredly. Hadn't i done enough. I'd fought in World War Two. Defeated Hydra. Lost my best friend and the girl of my dreams. Twice. My time of the Winter Soldier had passed. There was nothing more to fight for besides my sanity at this point, and believe me i was at the breaking point. Just one thing to push me over the edge and S.H.I.E.L.D would be all over my ass. Natasha took her back off the wall and dropped her hands to her sides in one swift motion. Calmly she walked toward me. There was a time when Natasha thought she could take my mind off of Astella.

In an attempt to do so she had put me into some very awkward positions with blind dates. She was always trying to get me with some of the girls that worked for the Agency but none of them felt right. I tried i really did but she couldn't replace her. Nobody could. I looked down as i started to unwrap my hands. "You need to stop this." she said standing in front of me.

"Stop what." i said not much caring for an answer.

"How many punching bags will you break before you get it through your thick skull that she's gone. She's not coming back." Natasha said coldly. She put her hands on her hips the way women tend to do when they're pissed or waiting for a challenge. I tried not to get angry. No matter how much her words hurt she was still a lady. A deadly assassin but still a lady.

"We never found a body." i said shoving the wrappings into my bag forcefully and tryign my best not to look her in the eye.

"Because there was no body to be found." Natasha replied evenly. How many times have we had this conversation? A hundred? Maybe more? We'd gone through the script enough times to know that i wasn't about to change my mind. I wasn't about to give up hope. Not when she might still be out there.