today, i was listening to the song paradise by coldplay, and some heavy stuff really hit me. just whacked me like a fucking brick wall. it related so well to how i've felt my whole life. if you all didn't know, i was born in russia. i am a russian, spanish, and italian mix. therefore, i look really strange. my entire life i have moved from place to place. i spent six years living in spain, and that was the most at home i have ever felt. otherwise, i have been shuffled around constantly. i have lived in russia, italy, france, spain, and now america. and i have something i haven't told anybody to tell everyone, especially my close friends on wattpad. i have felt alone my whole life, but that feeling intensified when my parents divorced last year. two years prior, they sent me and my sister to live with some family in america. i don't feel at home here. i don't have any real friends. honestly, i'm so lost...it's insane. i just need to feel at home. i want a paradise but, i can't find one when i'm the girl who doesn't even live in her real home. i don't even speak my native language daily. it's so disorienting and weird and...yeah.
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screams externally || rant book
Random"i would much rather stab myself in the face with a fork." - jackson whittemore • basically, i can't keep my big mouth shut, like, ever.
