Unstable

Chapter One: Struggle

Everyone has a struggle. Everyone is living with a struggle.

You might be thinking right now "I don't have a struggle" or maybe even "my best friend has the perfect life she's fine" well then, you're wrong, you're in denial probably. Most people have a bigger struggle than others and therefore it is easier to identify. So once it is found, once it is labeled.

You kill it.

Or at least you start to believe the idea of it being gone through and after 'treatment'.

But if everybody has a struggle, and no matter how small it is it's still there even if you might not know it. Ultimately, aren't we all the same regarding the size, the effect, and the fact that we each have our individual struggle? 

And if some of us are labeled, aren't we all?

A struggle is defined by "the act of trying to get free of restraint or constriction" and is mostly connected with words such as "forceful and violent". So if you tell me that there has never been a single spec of struggle in your life- you trying to stand up for yourself and your believes, or trying to gain some liberty when your authority denies it; then you are lying. Even if you hypothetically did live a perfect life with no sign of conflict or battle you are struggling with never feeling independence and never giving yourself opportunity.

So in the end aren't we all crazy? 

Deranged. Insane. Ill. Mental. Mad. Demented.

Unstable?

...

"For the last damn time the answer is no!" Georgina yelled again to the phone and let out a loud groan as she continued to listen to the other line.

"Why? Because I said so! Now shut up and sign the damn papers, Walter." After a beat she responded with yet another scream and tapped her fake acrylic red nails against the steering wheel as she pressed further on the gas pedal.

"Oh so now you agree on something with me?" The conversation which was still a scream fest between her and Walter kept on going and I decided to focus on something else for a change.

The timer on the car screen hit '2:00' indicating that Georgina has been talking on the phone for two freaking hours. I have nothing to do and believe me I have tried my best to distract myself. Because the more I focus on other things the more I stop myself from thinking and the less it is likely for me to be alone with my thoughts. And I am utterly terrified to be alone with my thoughts. My memories. And myself.

Even though it's 9:37 am it looks like it's nighttime, the clouds are blocking out the sun and only a few lucky rays escape but the weather is overall rain. It's one of those crazy days when it rains in California non stop and while driving it is impossible to see the city's landscape or anything at all for that matter. With Georgina roars and shrieks on the phone and the rainy view I am surprised we haven't crashed yet.

Another car crash, how ironic would that be?

For the first half of the ride I was relaxed, listening to music on my phone playing 1010!, Stack, and White Tiles until my phone died.

Then for thirty minutes I eavesdropped to Georgina's and Walter's conversation until she noticed that I was listening and disconnected her phone from the car's Bluetooth speaker. So much for a little bit of drama.

I ended up watching the raindrops land on my window and race each other to the end until they rolled off and watch new ones drop and roll off and just started to stare at this cycles that formed. Not that much fun and definitely not the best way to stall my mind.

But whenever a thought comes the best I can do is just start humming a tune in my head and it would hopefully leave my mind.
But hope can only do so much.

I sighed and my eyes quickly shifted up to a big large green sign which was hard to miss. I read the sign over and over and over again until it could stick in my head.

'Amethyst-Adams Center three miles away' it read.

Shit.

So this was definitely happening, it's time.