Transman!Levi - sad one shot

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|| Requested by GenderFluidLevi !! Hope you like it, it's pretty sad in the beginning but it gets better :'0

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TW: ftm dysphoria
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Levi was laying in bed in only his boxers, staring down at the weights on his chest he would never get off, they always weighted him down making him hate himself because it was a reminder the world didn't even want him to be a him..

He let out a soft sob, something he rarely let himself do. He usually kept it all inside until nights like this. The sobs slowly got louder and more frequent until he couldn't see past the tears and his ribs hurt from something besides the bandages he's forced to wrap around himself to compress the damn reminders.

He wrapped his arms around himself, clawing at his back as if he could somehow unearth wings to fly from this shitty life. The shitty titans, all the friends and family he's lost, his reminders, his soft face, non existent Adam's apple, the way his hips bumped out and of course the worst of all the empty space between his legs.

He felt himself choking when all of a sudden a wave of feelings went over him and he called out loudly.

"why...!" it came out with a gasp as he struggled to breathe properly, the thoughts clogging his throat made it so hard.. so hard..

All of a sudden he felt arms around him, a warm body next to his, it made him cry out again.

"H-Help.. h-.." he choked out, his nails dug into his back even harder, drawing blood slightly. The blond holding tightly onto him rubbed his back, regretting not being here sooner, regretting deeply not realizing until he heard him scream.. until it was too late.

"Levi.. you're okay, I'm here.." Armin whispered, kissing away the tears streaming down Levi's face, wishing he could help immediately but he knew that he needed to be patient.

"A-Armin I-I.. -I.. everything is.. ev-everything.. fuck.. fu-fuckin' shit" he mumbled out before quickly clinging to his lover, he was always there for him, he was like an angel.

Armin held Levi in his arms, letting him cry, it's what he needed. He needed to let go of all this even if it was a scary and horrid process to him.

"Everything is okay.. you are gonna be okay.." he whispered in Levi's ear as he trembled, his mind still racing, replaying every time he's got called a woman, every time he's had to use the wrong restroom, every time he was told he wasn't a real man.. replaying and replaying..

"Levi.. Levi look at me, please.." Armin spoke gently, caressing Levi's cheek and he did as he was told, looking into Armin's beautiful eyes. The blond was smiling kindly at him as if he was looking at the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.. and he was, even if Levi was sobbing he still thought he was incredibly handsome.

"Deep breaths.. I need you to tell me what's wrong.." he spoke sweetly, furrowing his eyebrows slightly as he rubbed Levi's cheek.

Levi's whole body felt so heavy, every muscle tensed but he allowed himself to try and slow his breathing, it was hard and he failed at first but with encouragement from Armin he managed to calm it, his heart still beating as fast as his mind raced.

"I- I.. I'm sorry.." were the first words past Levi's lips once he could speak properly. Armin shook his head, running his hand through his dark hair, scratching at his undercut softly.

"Don't be sorry.. you're allowed to let it out, you're allowed to do this.." he stated calmly. He only just now noticed Levi was shirtless and the realization set in that it was dysphoria.

"M-My.. body.." The raven choked out quietly, trying his best to stay calm but it was hard, the wave threatening to wash him out to sea again.

"Your body is incredible.. I know how you feel about it but.. I think your body is amazing, you are so muscular and you're.. dare I say sexy.." he chuckled softly, making Levi chuckle ever so slightly.

"Well I'd hope my boyfriend thinks I'm sexy but.. it's just so hard with.. these.. and I have.. augh!" Levi closed his eyes and sighed deeply, gripping his chest roughly, wishing he could tear it off. Armin guided his hands away, not wanting him to hurt himself.

"Levi just because you have breasts doesn't make you any less of a man.. you are the strongest man in the military, I really doubt anyone cares what type of body you're born with because no matter what, it is strong, dependable and of course it's yours. Also if that isn't enough reassurance, you're the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on and that isn't a lie, I could stare and you and your incredible body forever, I could go on and on about every amazing thing about it and about you if given the time" Armin gushed, studying Levi's beautiful features. Everything from his enchanting blue-grey eyes and his usually knit eyebrows to his soft yet charming chin and jaw.

Levi was tearing up again but not from sorrow this time. He lurched forward and pressed a passionate kiss onto Armin's lips, once it was broken he scanned over his face.

"Armin.. I love you.." he mumbled, quickly clinging to him again.

"Please don't ever leave me.."

"Never in a million years.."

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//Alright the probably wasn't what you were expecting but I adore trans!Levi so I'll probably write more of it.. but honestly you should expect more trans!Armin out if me bc that's my personal headcanon shrugs

I'll be posting a really cute highschool au thing that was requested soon so get ready for some fluff to recover from this sadness :'00

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