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youngjae finally got himself and jaebum into his apartment, after many minutes of pulling and carrying jaebum's practically dead weight up the stairs. he set him down on the couch, letting out a heavy sigh of relief.
"fuck," he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. he looked at the clock, it reading 1:29 am. he shook his head, as he heard some rustling behind him.
"jaejae." he heard the voice behind him say, causing him to scoff. he ignored him, watching the small television in the living room.
"jaeseok, jaejae, singer boy," jaebum says, groaning and rubbing his eyes. "my body hurts."
"maybe you shouldn't have gotten drunk, then." youngjae says, rolling his eyes.
"yah. you're so sour. come cuddle with me." jaebum says, opening up his arms. "wait, where am i? you didn't take me home?"
"you passed the hell out before I could get your address, so I just took you to my apartment. deal with it, I'm not going out again tonight. and you're out of your mind if you think I'm going to cuddle your sweaty ass." youngjae says, finally looking over at him.
"I'm not sweaty," jaebum says, giving the other a naive look. "I'm dripping hot guy juices."
"that's... fucking disgusting." youngjae says, giving him a look of disgust.
"it's sexy."
"it's gross."
"stop talking."
"never." jaebum says, grinning now. "I like pissing you off, remember?"
"fuck off," youngjae says, "go call an uber or something. get out."
"and miss spending time with singer boy? no way!" jaebum says, laughing. he stands up, stumbling over to youngjae and wrapping his arms around his chest.
"get the hell off!" youngjae exclaims, trying to push his hands away.
"stop it," jaebum says, "I just wanna hug ya'."
"no! get your sweaty hands off me,"
"they aren't sweaty, thank you very much," jaebum says, "come on. why're you so cold to me?"
"that's just how i am." youngjae says, fighting the urge to push jaebum onto the hard tile floor.
"why?" jaebum asks, looking at him. "why are you like this?"
youngjae felt like a giant boulder just hit him when that question left jaebum's lips. it was a question he should've asked himself long ago.
why exactly was he still this persona? what happened to choi youngjae? the bullying was long gone, so why was he still like this?
it was all in his head, at this point.
"you're no fun." jaebum says, scoffing and taking his hands off. "sorry i bothered you. I'll call myself an uber. bye, jaeseok. hopefully you don't see me again."
youngjae watched as the other walked out the door.
"wait!" he exclaims, but it was too late. jaebum was already out the door and down the stairs.
youngjae felt himself break down into tears. this persona was tearing him apart, mentally and physically. he grabbed two fist fulls of his hair, as tears streamed down his cheeks.
he wanted to go back to his old self. but that was impossible.
there was one phrase that was engraved into his head, that he kept telling himself while in high school so that he wouldn't change. so that he wouldn't have to endure the bullying anymore and stay this way.
he would always tell himself that choi youngjae was dead. he killed choi youngjae. kim jaeseok killed choi youngjae. he couldn't ever come back, he was dead. gone.
it fucked his brain up. to the point of no return. and he couldn't help but sob his eyes out when he realized that it was out of reach.
choi youngjae is dead.
kim jaeseok killed him.
—
a/n: honestly I didn't intend for this to get dark but wHoops now it has
I haven't written for a few days bc school so I feel alive again lmao
I hope you enjoyed! please vote / comment, I really appreciate it! thanks, ilysm~ -author em
