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their coffees were brought to the table shortly, one in a purple mug and one in a black mug.
"you can have the black one," jaebum says, chuckling. "since that is your color, after all."
youngjae nods, taking a sip from the mug and sighing softly. jaebum sips his as well, looking out the window to his right.
"it's a nice day, don't you think? i like grey clouds. it makes me feel... calm for some reason." jaebum says, looking at youngjae.
"yeah. me too." youngjae says, sipping his coffee.
lies after lies. youngjae used to love sunshine-y days where the birds were chirping.
jaebum smiles softly, "you're really something, jaeseok. i like you."
youngjae looks at him, gulping.
he didn't like him. he liked jaeseok. the dark grey cloud that hung over choi youngjae and suffocated him.
"you okay?" jaebum says, waving a hand in front of him.
youngjae nods, "yeah. i'm alright."
can you believe it? another lie. he wasn't alright, and he hadn't been for a long time.
youngjae felt himself choke up as all these thoughts scrambled around in his mind. he just wanted to go back to his old self, but that was not okay. he couldn't. not after he had lied to so many people, including the person sitting in front of him. he couldn't take it. he felt tears puddle his eyes' lower waterline. he felt nauseous and needed to get out.
"e-excuse me for a minute." youngjae says, standing up and quickly walking to the small men's bathroom of the café. he ran into a stall, locking it behind himself. all of the coffee he had just drank, along with last night's alcohol splurge, came up and into the toilet. he panted heavily as he held the sides of the bowl, tears going down his cheeks.
youngjae flushes the toilet, watching last night's mistakes go down it. he wiped his mouth, grabbing a fistful of his own hair and sobbing.
"youngjae-ah, i miss you! i need you back!" he says, wheezing as he breathed. "i hate jaeseok! i hate him, i hate him, i hate him!"
he shakily grabs some toilet paper, wiping his eyes and face with it. he stands up carefully, unlocks the stall, and walks out to the sinks. he runs the water, splashing it onto his face while giving himself a hard look.
what happened?
he thought to himself, taking in the details of his own face. his eye bags were worse than ever, his makeup from last night messily smudged. the hickey was still there on his neck, a little less purple and a little more red now. he saw a tiny strand of blond hair sticking out from all the dark brown. it made him tear up again.
but before he could do anything, another person came into the bathroom. youngjae looks at him from the mirror–it being jaebum.
"jaeseok..." jaebum says, "i... was standing outside the door."
youngjae's eyes widen. he stands there in silence, a tear sliding down his cheek.
"you're not okay," jaebum says, "you should have told me you weren't. i could've tried to help."
youngjae laughs, shaking his head as tears continue to flow. "no. no, jaebum, you couldn't have. you don't even know how bad my problems are."
"i'll listen. just tell me."
"you wouldn't understand." youngjae says, turning to face him.
"i'll try to." jaebum says, "well... first. who is youngjae?"
youngjae's face goes blank. he hadn't heard someone say that name in so many years besides himself.
"jaebum, it's a lot more complicated than you think."
"i'm sure not," jaebum says, "who is he? your ex? your brother? friend?"
"jaebum, i said you wouldn't understand."
"and i said i'll try to." jaebum says.
youngjae scoffs, "no. you wouldn't! just stop!"
"no! i want to help you!" jaebum says, looking at him.
"shut up! i don't need help from you! if i tell you the truth, you're just going to leave like everyone else! this is why i didn't even want to talk to in the first place!" youngjae yells, causing jaebum to look at him, confused.
"it's too fucking complicated, jaebum! i can't just explain it and tell you who youngjae is so simply! it's a long story."
jaebum sighs, giving him a look of empathy. "i have time, jaeseok."
youngjae looks at him, softening a bit. "you're going to hate me forever if i tell you. plus, i'll have to adjust back to something."
"i won't hate you," jaebum says, sighing and laying a hand on his shoulder. "i'm going to pay for the coffee, and we'll go back to your place. it'll be okay."
"it won't be okay. but alright." youngjae says, shaking his head and following jaebum out.
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a/n: it begins
i hope you enjoyed! please vote / comment, i really appreciate it! thanks, ilysm~ -author em
