A bunch of things come to light in this chapter
It's only right for y'all to pay attention and read sloww!
Enjoy
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Dakota Jolee
A week later.....
"So you're telling me you feel guilty at times?" She spoke tapping her pen.
I nodded.
"Guilty of what?"
I didn't say anything for a while as I looked down, biting my lip. "The death of my father."
She nodded slowly, writing. "And may I ask why do you feel guilty of your fathers death?"
Looking down at my hands I began fidgeting with my fingers. "Because I feel like I could've done something to prevent what happened to him."
"You do realize that your fathers death isn't your fault right?"
I stood silent, titling my head to the side as I continued to look down at my hands.
"It's okay to have these feelings, Dakota. Everyone feels a certain way after losing someone they love. What makes you think you could've prevented what happened?" She furrowed her brows a bit, confused. "How did your father die?"
"...He was shot."
"Were you present when it happened?"
"Yes." I took a deep breath trying to hold in the tears. "It was a family barbecue and everything was going fine. Till my mother came with a friend. I guess my father wasn't too fond of that friend so they had an altercation before the guy pulled out a gun and aimed it at my father. My father was never a coward so the fact that he had a gun to his forehead didn't phase him one bit....and that's what pissed the guy off so he didn't hesitate to pull the trigger."
She nods, looking up from her clipboard. "Your moms friend? Have you seen him since?"
I shook my head.
"What about your mom?"
"I try to avoid her when I do."
"So you have seen her since that day."
I nodded "Yea. I saw her in my fathers funeral and that was it. I haven't been communicating with my family ever since that happened. Guess you could say I've isolated myself from them. I wanna keep it that way though."
"Why is that?"
"I don't know.."
"Do you think that if there was a family gathering, something would happen? Or, it just won't feel the same having a family gathering without your father?"
"I don't wanna be reminded of what happened that night. I don't wanna remember seeing my father die and how."
"You've never mentioned this to me so this probably isn't relevant to you because it might not be something you've experienced since the death of your father, but have you had any nightmares since that happened? I'm only asking you this because you were present when the crime happened so you might have been traumatized, right?"
"I guess you can say that. I did have a few nightmares and that's when I got stressed out and you already know what else.." I said, thinking back at the deep depression I was in after my father died. I was in a really dark place and everyone had their doubts about me becoming who I was before everything happened again. Their doubts still remain because I'm no longer the same. And I won't ever be.
"I figured." She twisted her lips to the side a little, leaning forward. "It's not easy to loose someone, especially someone who was close to you. He was and will always be your father and I know you and him had a huge bond. It isn't easy to cope with and I know it isn't easy to move on but, you have to."
I scoffed. "Yea, easy for you to say."
"I went through the same thing so I understand where you're coming from, Dakota. My father died when I was 19 and I had the same mindset as you, but much worse. My life turned a whole 360 when my father died and it was my own fault. I was suicidal and I was a drug addict. My fathers death took a huge toll on me and I coped on it with something very unnecessary and stupid. But I didn't care." She took a deep breath. "You're smart though. Yea, you went through some rough patches because you felt as if that was the right thing to do at the time but you didn't let it beat you. You're a very strong young lady, Dakota, and you need to keep that up for the rest of your life. Your father would be very proud. Anyways...."
She said in a sigh, a smile plastered on her face. "There's three things we need to discuss. I do this with every patient of mine so it's normal, though with you I started a little late. The three things we need to discuss will be the three that's negative to you. Something's that takes a toll on you and keeps you from moving on in your life. So, what's three things that won't let you pass that dark phase?"
"1 obviously being my fathers death, 2 being my mother, and 3 being my fathers killer."
She nodded, writing. "Alright, we spoke about your fathers death and how you feel about it, though you didn't really go into depth about your mother. Is she someone you really wanna avoid or is it all apart of you wanting to be isolated from your family."
"She's someone I really wanna avoid, forever."
"Well, you know at some point in life you'll have to reconsider not speaking to your mother. You know, make amends. It isn't good to have such hate towards-"
"Who said anything about hate though?"
"I can see it in your eyes. When you speak of your mother, you don't speak of her with love. I mean without a doubt, you love your mother no matter what because that's your mother but-"
"I just hate the way she is...." I sighed. "She's changed."
"What I'm about to say might not be relevant but it kind of makes sense when I think about it." She cleared her throat. "Do you think your mom might have had an affair with this man?"
I shrugged, looking down at my hands.
"Is this man in jail?"
Shaking my head I finally looked up at her. "He was never arrested." Thinking about it, a small laugh escaped my lips.
"What's funny?" She asked with her brow furrowed. I guess she was trying to read me. She'd just have my luck with that.
"It's just funny how the system works now. This man did the crime and he out here as if he'd never did it. I wouldn't be surprised if he paid them just to have his ass out here trying to prove he's someone. To me, he's just a dead man walking.." I stated with hate.
"What makes you think-"
"Listen, I don't have to elaborate something that's obvious. That man is as fake as they come."
A snake.. him and my 'mother.'
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Went into depth a little here
Things are slowly starting to come to light
Though, there's still some things that's in the dark
Hold on to your edges!
