Scribbles (A Niall Horan fan fiction)

44) Snow White Neanderthal: Part Tres

“I only told him you were fine because he was so torn up about the whole thing,” Harry said casually.

            “Stop arguing with me, I was alo—what?”

            “Yeah,” Harry continued, just as casually.  “Niall went crazy that first week.  He was so stressed out about the whole thing and he was in his own state of depression.  He was hurting, too, Bee.  Every step of the way.  We just told him you were doing fine so he wouldn’t jump off a bridge.  We kind of need him, you know?”

            “Are you telling me…that Niall has been upset as well?”

            “That is correct.”

            “Then…why didn’t he just get back together with me?”

            “Because he really did want you to have your fun.  He wanted you to get everything he couldn’t give you.  He never wanted you to actually find someone.  I don’t think he even really wanted you to kiss anyone.  But he wanted to give you that option.  First year of college is meant to be this life changing year in America.  He didn’t want to hold you back.”

            “Well that’s a lot to think about,” I said slowly.  “Well then, let me ask you this.  Niall and I just talked about everything and I told him I din’t want to date or kiss other guys.  I told him I love him and he told me he loves me and I told him how unhappy I really was.  By the way, I think he might yell at you for that later.  Anyway, if all of that was exchanged, and all of that was true, why did he tell me he had to think about things?  What’s there to think about?  It seems really simple.”

            “He’s a special kind of human,” Harry began philosophically.  “He wears his heart on his sleeve and he’s so…so innocent and fragile and so…Niall.  All of us feel the need to protect him for just those reasons.  And he really does care about you like crazy.  Hedoes love you.  I think right now he’s just scared by how much he does care for you.”

            “That doesn’t make sense,” I deadpanned.

            “Yes it does,” he defended.

            “We’ve been together about a year.  We’ve been through the good and the bad and we’ve come out on top.  We’re always there for each other.  Why would he be scared now?  And why would he be scared enough to call for a break?”

            “He called for the break for selfless reasons.  He loved you enough to set you free.  But now that he knows what it’s like to actually have been without you for real, he realized just how much you really do mean to him and it scares the hell out of him.  He saw how much he hurt you and it terrifies him that he has that kind of power.  It scares him that you care about him so much.  And I think he’s scared by how fragile relationships are.  He broke your heart and he knows how easy it would be for you to break his.”

            “He’s being dumb,” I whined.  “I don’t want to break his heart.  I don’t want to break up with him.  Why would I put us through that turmoil?”

            “Yeah, but a couple months ago he would have said the same thing.  He never would have guessed he would break up with you and hurt you like that.  And you obviously didn’t see it coming.  What should lead him to believe you wouldn’t do the same?  Especially since you’re more of the heartbreaker in the relationship anyway.”

            “You have got to be kidding me,” I scowled.

            “Well, you are.  Not in the normal way.  Like I know Niall has millions of girls that want to shag him and he never acts on it which is heartbreaking to them.  I know you don’t have tons of guys vying for your attention.”  PSSSSH.  “But in the serious relationship type way, you are the heartbreaker.  Like I said, Niall wears his heart on his sleeve.  He’s a puppy that we have to protect.  You’re a violent American that has hurt him in the past.”  I glared at him.  “I acknowledge my roll in that situation but we’re not talking about me.  So since you are the heartbreaker, he’s probably worried you’ll break his heart and he won’t be able to do anything about it.”