Nox (The Marauders, Wolfstar, Jily)

18: the last chapter omg im dead and gay

They'd gone to McGonagall in the end. It really signified the weight of the situation, as going to talk to Professor McGonagall certainly went against very strong principles the four of them held. Some held these principles less than others, but they were still shared. The funny thing was, well, perhaps the only mildly humorous thing about their entire situation, was the fact that it had been James who had suggested it. James Potter, of all people.

James Potter who disliked Professor McGonagall with all of his being, who did all he had in his power to avoid her. And now, James Potter, who'd practically bullied the other three into going to see her. As he had always been, James Potter, the best friend you could ever have. As much as he was always a jokester and scarcely took anything seriously, there was always a line with James, and this situation had crossed it. The line was where he knew he had to put aside his own principles and his own wants for the safety of his friends. He always would.

Sirius had really never been quite so sure that he didn't deserve James as his best friend, and he found himself awfully close to breaking down into tears as he found his mind flooded with strong, almost overwhelmingly vivid memories of their first encounter as first years, of the sudden click of friendship, of the way, even at eleven years old, Sirius had seen something in James. They'd seen something in each other, almost as if they could see ahead to the next few years, to the people they'd become, just for that moment, as they met each other's eyes.

As much as Sirius was struggling not to cry, with the weight of it all, and the crushing realisation as everything really did begin to sink in, he made a promise to himself that he absolutely could not cry in McGonagall's office, in front of the professor herself, and three of his best friends. Even in the circumstances, Sirius deemed that as stupid, and pathetic, and a definite sign that he wasn't worth anyone's time. That conclusion definitely didn't do much to change the fact that he really was struggling with it, though, and in fact, the more he did struggle, the more he did to hide his face, and hold his breath, and count to ten seven times over, the more Remus began to notice.

Remus tossed him an awkward, hopeful kind of smile from beside him, as the two stood beside one another, leant back against McGonagall's office wall as they waited until she might return. Remus was overall, very tempted to lean in and pull Sirius into his chest, to never let go of him, to hold his head tightly against his chest until he could feel his breathing calm, and his body begin to relax all over.

More than that, however, Remus wanted to kiss him. Really, Remus had always just wanted to kiss Sirius Black, but before it had been much more at the back of his mind: a passing thought that might pass him a thousand times over before it refused to go away, a persistent whisper that kept him forever occupied in the quiet, but one he could easily drown out in enough of a racket. With what had happened over the past few days, with the way nothing had suddenly turned into something, and the way James and Peter had very quickly come to accept it as an entirely normal part of their life, Remus felt almost overwhelmed by it, overwhelmed by the simple fact that now, forever, until things might fall apart, he could Sirius whenever and however many times he wanted, and Sirius would kiss him back.

Remus deemed that as Sirius stood beside him, very close to tears, and James and Peter eyed them from across the room, in the least discreet manner known to man, and the few portraits hung around the walls of McGonagall's office began to take much more of an interest in them, it was not an appropriate time. Not to kiss him or to hug him, or to really do much more than whisper comforts into his ear, and let their fingers brush past each other for much longer than was necessary as he did so.

It was after what had really seemed like forever, that Professor McGonagall finally made her way into her office, only to very quickly look around the room at the four boys, an awfully startled expression laid upon her face. Remus did imagine that perhaps the last thing she really wanted to do was deal with the four of them and any kind of mischief they might have caused, and really he found that he just couldn't blame her for that. The situation they had at hand, was of course, just something else entirely, and she was just yet to realise that.