Short Stories (BoyxBoy)

Shunned (BoyxBoy)

 Dedicated to Lauren, who should not be reading this.

This is an absolutely and almost definitely highly inaccurate portrayal of the Amish. I’ve been watching a lot of ‘Living with the Amish’ recently and it’s kinda fascinating. If you don’t know who they are, well, I recommend you Wikipedia it. I’m not very good at explaining.

There’s a glossary list at the end for some of the Amish words. J
 
Shunned
 
 
As the sun rose, the farm gradually woke up. The light summer breeze started to warm up and comfort my exhausted body. I looked out of the milking parlour and watched as the early morning sun covered the ever-lasting acres of fields that lay ahead. This was my favourite part of day. Such a lethargic, peaceful and beautiful part of the day, despite a difficult, monotonous few hours of hard labour. I hadn't even had breakfast yet!
 
There was an easy silence amongst the roar of simple machines that were used to help my father and six brothers milk our one hundred and five cows. As part of the New Order Amish, things were less strict. For instance, the milking machines. However, we still ploughed with horses and got around in horse and carts. Living the simple, Amish life, there should be nothing better than a good day's work, but only a quarter of my way through my morning's work, I felt the pit of emptiness within me. Staring out of the world I knew, I thought of the other world. Of course, at eighteen years old, I didn't know much of it. I was already courting with my future wife, and our wedding was to be held the next winter. I was looking forward to it. I'd receive my own house and I'd be able to start a family with my wife: my God-given purpose.
 
"Matthew, get back to it," my father shouted, across the large wooden barn. I nodded, shaking my head from my thoughts. I looked across to my younger brother, Freddie, enthused by his work and quickly decided to follow his example.
 
 
 
*
 
 
Mid-afternoon saw me ride my horse and cart to my older brother, Brian's house, in which he lived with his pregnant wife, Suzie. I was under orders to invite him to dinner the following day and also to check on the farm animals in our surrounding fields.
 
It was as I was travelling the short distance over the rolling countryside that I noticed a vaguely recognisable, young, Amish man walking down the stone road towards me. "All right there?" I shouted as I passed him. After a short smile, he nodded and walked on his way. "He must have a long walk ahead of him," I muttered to myself, carrying on my way.
 
 
 
 
I left Brian's house an hour later, after a quick catch-up. He was looking dreadfully tired after holding down his massive work-load and his husbandry duties all on his own. "You'll be like this next year," he winked. "How is Emily, lately? She wasn't at church recently."
 
"She's been a bit ill recently, but she'll be at dinner tomorrow," I replied.
 
"Looking forward to it, aren't we, Suzie?" He looked to his wife and she nodded, hands on her bump. He put his hand around her and nodded at me.
 
"By the way," I mentioned, "Have you seen that Amish man, going up the road without a horse and cart. Who's he?"
 
Brian immediately dropped his cheerful expression and let his hand drop back down to his side, stepping away from his wife. "He's been having some… trouble. He's sick. He's being shunned at the moment. Don't you pay attention in church, Matthew? That should be a sin within itself."
 
"No, why's he sick?"
 
Brian shook his head. "Emily, go in the house a moment. Women shouldn't hear about this sort of thing." He turned to me, "Apparently, he was having… thoughts… sick, homosexual thoughts. He told his mother apparently." Brian shook his head again as he recited the bible. "Leviticus 20:13: If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They will surely be
put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. The bible can’t be any clearer.
 
"It's just thoughts, so we're hoping he'll overcome the Devil's grasp on him and shall not sin, but until then, we have to shun him. It's for his own good,” he shook his head.
 
 
I nodded and said my farewells, getting back on my horse and cart, ready to drive home. I rode slowly and mindlessly. I had not really experienced much shunning in my life. Being in the New Order*, we were much less strict than the Schwarzentruber* Amish. I had a few indistinct memories of having to shunning people in my childhood, but I couldn't for the life of me remember why. Shunning basically involves the whole Amish community ignoring a person until they repent and join back with the church, apologising for their mistakes. It was harsh, but fair, I was told. It is meant only for that individual to reflect on their mistake in order to repent and apologise to God.
 
I also knew, somehow, of homosexuality. But it was strange and foreign behaviour.
 
God made man in his image, and he made woman out of man.
He made Adam and Eve to be together. Man and woman.
 
The ultimate purpose of one's life is to procreate. Reproduce. Start a family.
It's in the bible: two becoming one flesh. Meaning, a man and woman should come together and create new life through the conjugal act*.
 
And if one sins? Well, it's simple.
 
You'll go to hell.
 
 
I should know. I've studied the Bible enough times.
 
 
 
 
Yet, I can't explain why, on that day, I went against every teaching of my whole life and spoke to that man. I simply can't. And it doesn't matter how many times I revised Amish teachings, read the bible or listened to church sermons following that day, I didn't even feel guilty.
 
 
 
The young man was still walking up the potholed road, obviously. It was too long for him to have conquered it yet. I stopped my cart near him and called out a hello. He looked around, startled and frightened. He took in my dress and my vehicle and immediately turned back around, forcing his head down and walking off quickly.
 
"Hey!" I called as I got out of my cart and raced after him.
 
"You're not supposed to talk to me," he muttered as I easily caught up with him. I'm not quite sure how though, as I'm rather weak and skinny, whereas he had a much more muscular build. I assume he'd been walking for a very long time and was worn out by then.
 
"It's all right, I go to a different church," I lied.
 
"No you don't," he looked me up and down, "You're part of the Millar family."
 
I shrugged, "Do you wanna ride?"
 
"I can't, really."
 
"Says who?" I asked.
 
"Says everyone. Even God, probably."
 
"So do you wanna ride?"
 
"OK, but…" He raised his eyebrows at me as I led him to the cart. "You don't seem very… Amish. Are you being shunned too?"
 
I laughed, as I started the horses. "No, I just… guess I'm not that fond of the rules."
 
"Didn't you get past the rumspringa* stage?” he questioned me, intrigued.
 
"My parents didn’t really let me get away with anything. I was baptised at fifteen. Didn't have a choice."
 
He nodded as if he understood. "I haven't been baptised yet. I don't think I ever will, actually. I'm on my way out if here, see. I don't see it right marrying a woman I will not love. Do you understand?"
 
I had to be honest. "Well, no. I have a fiancé and we'll get married this late November, we'll get a house and have kids. We'll fulfil our requirements, so to speak. Isn't that what life's about?"
 
"I thought life was about happiness," he said bitterly.
 
"Happiness is for children, so I've been told."
 
He shook his head. "What's your name?"
 
"M… M… Matthew," I stuttered.
 
"I'm Henri," he said. "Nice to meet you, Matthew," he smiled, shaking my hand politely. "What makes you happy, Matthew?"
 
I was taken aback by his abrupt question, but answered nevertheless. I smiled thinking of happy things. "I like early mornings. When the sun shines over the countryside and glows with beauty. It's… quietly thrilling, don't you think?"
 
He smiled. "What else?"
 
"My baby sister. She's learning to walk and it's ever so funny." He smiled again, but paused as if he was waiting for another answer. "I like chickens. Feeding them. I know it's a woman's job, but I did it when I was younger and I loved it. I like eating dinner with my family. I used to be happy when I played with my friends by the river as a youngster." I thought hard about what else. "I feel happy when other people smile. Especially you. You have a lovely smile." I felt immediately embarrassed, but Henri didn't.
 
"Thanks," he laughed. I smiled, relieved at the lack of awkwardness. But I'd spoken (or smiled) too soon. There was a sudden lack of conversation and we were lost for words as I whacked the horses for more speed.
 
"Why are you taking to me?" he asked eventually.
 
I breathed in deeply. "I've been questioning God recently…" I took a few more breaths and avoided his eye contact. "A few months ago, my twin brother died. I guess, I blamed God rather immaturely. But then I talked to my parents about it. They didn't grieve. They told me that it's was Gottes Wille* and I should forgive God, and all of that. I couldn't get my head around it and I couldn't forgive God. I couldn't forgive my parents for not caring either. I mean, of course they must have cared, but I never saw it. They just prayed more, thanking God for the health of the rest of our family."
 
Henri sighed. "And now you're questioning the Ordnung*?"
 
"I suppose."
 
He sighed again. "I'm sorry for your loss. But, sorry, didn't you say you were getting married this year? So you're carrying on the Amish lifestyle, despite not agreeing with it?"
 
"It's not the lifestyle. It's the rules. And maybe my family too, they're so intoxicating. And my fiancé and I have nothing in common whatsoever."
 
"Don't you like her?" he asked, pityingly.
 
"Like her? I despise her. I'm more attracted to rocks."
 
He laughed, a strong, joyful laugh.
 
It was infectious.
 
"Matthew Millar," he said. "Thank you for the ride, but people will talk."
 
He was right. We were nearing my house now and someone could see. "Do I care?" I asked.
 
"Of course you do," he stated in a very matter-of-fact way. "Unless…" he started slowly. "You could run away from this life. Start a new one. With me."
 
"We hardly know each other…"
 
"I'm Henri Fischer. I'm eighteen years and seventeen days old. I like fishing, swimming and brown bread. I hate milk and I hate singing because I'm awful at it. I believe that God will love me whatever path I choose and I believe happiness should be man's greatest purpose. Pleased to meet you."
 
"Hi," I said, overwhelmed, and shook his hand.
 
"There's a whole world out there that we don't know," he urged. "Come with me."
 
I nodded. I smiled. I agreed. "I'll do it. We'll do it."
 
"Really?" His eyes lit up with glee. He moved closer to me and smiled.
 
"We're actually doing this!" I grinned. He reached his hand out and placed it on my knee.
 
Then, together, in harmony, we sinned (ish) and locked lips. After that, we skipped off into the distance, holding hands and got married. And all that stuff.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I carried on walking up the cold, stone road. My feet hurt like hell (which, incidentally, was exactly where I was going) and I still had so far to go. I watched as the horse and cart road past me, speeding up to go around me. I wondered what it would be like to be him. His whole life waiting to happen…
 
 
 
He wouldn't stop for me, of course he wouldn't. What a stupid, stupid dream.
 
He would shun me just as the others had. Shunned out of my community, out of my life.
 
I was shunned.
 
 
 *

Shunning – or meidung means expulsion from the Amish community for breaching religious guidelines

New Order – Basically a less strict subgroup of Old Order Amish

Schwarzentruber – an Old Order, insanely strict, Amish subgroup

Conjugal act – sex, basically.

Gottes Wille – God’s will

Ordnung – (German for order) the set of rules the Amish live by

 Rumspringa – ‘running around’ basically, a period of Amish adolescence, from about sixteen to whenever they decide to get baptised, in which they can ‘engage in rebellious behaviour’.