runaway baby → minizerk

t h i r t e e n

S I M O N

"JJ I can't believe you followed me here?! Where are the boys?!" I gasped staring at the boy who I'd known for most of my life. "Listen I had to find out why you were being mysterious." "So you couldn't ask me?" "And you'd answer?" "I can't." He climbed off me, and I watched as the rest of the boys excluding Josh emerge from around the corner. "Simon we couldn't deal with not knowing what you were up to. You've been so secretive." "And I wonder why?!" I answered back "You don't trust me, why should I tell you? You won't believe me." I muttered, all the positivity once filled my mind, was taken away in a second. "Simon, you shouldn't care if we believe you or not you could just at least tell us what you're doing." "Listen to me! I've been through hell on earth and all I needed was support from my best friends when I eventually got out of it. You weren't there for me. I had no idea what to do to make you believe me without getting myself killed." Paused wiping the tears that filled my eyes not allowing them to fall "I didn't get the kisses I had back, I didn't get the cuddles I had back, I didn't get the banter I had back - I didn't get the best friends I had back of I didn't get the boyfriend I had back. And that's what I needed-" "You know what? He's just out for your affection just leave him to rot alone." JJ interrupts me, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall the boys came from. "No no I'm not-" "your denial, you're a runaway baby." Those fucking words. Runaway baby. If I heard them one more time I'd end up dead by myself. It was five verses one. So I did what I was told I do best... Runaway.

I ran away from them back in the direction I came from, following the trail back all the way home. Tears slip down my pink cheeks as I sprint away... baby. I turn around to ensure myself no one followed me and slowed down when there's no sign of them. I had stopped just before a road. I saw a bunch of cars speeding in my direction. I breathed in dangled my foot over the kerb. What was the point? Why not? My weight shifted from my back foot to the foot on the road and I stayed there for a minute. Thinking. But not for long. I picked up my foot I left behind and it joined the other on the road. "Simon!" I heard, I hurriedly shifted back up the kerb. Josh was going past in his car just by chance what perfect timing? He leant over and opened the passenger seat as a symbol to get in. In the state I was, I couldn't oblige. I looked behind me double checking no one was there and quickly jumped in, closing the door behind me. I relaxed back into the comfort and warmth of the seat as the sound of the quiet radio abusing the silence in the car. That was until... "What happened Simon? Why were you wondering around the streets?" Josh spoke pulling into a nearby street just to stop to talk to me properly. "I-I was posting a letter a-and all the other boys were following me. I spotted JJ and he s-said I was out for attention-" "Hey hey! Slow down. Don't stress yourself out." He twisted in his chair and faced me, his eyes staring dead straight into mine. They were full of pity, he pitied me. His fingers pushed up my chin "You have nothing to worry about - I love you - we all love you." All the other times he said this to me... I didn't have the hope, the effort, the energy, the motivation, the time to say anything back. To explain to him that I didn't believe him when he said those words. But this time, I did. "But Josh, they don't love me. You don't love me. Both of us have known it since I got back. The only reason you haven't shouted at me yet is because of pity. You feel sorry that everyone's yelling at me and that's why you don't do it. But you want to-" "Simon, what the fuck are you talking about? I love you-" "But do you Josh. Do you love me like you say you do?" I asked seriousness enlaced in my voice. Straight on the verge of bursting out with salty tears again. "Of course I do-" "You lying to me Josh. It's not the same way it used to be. I desperately want it to be, I really want to be able to kiss you with no fears of losing you. I want to be able to cuddle you with no fears of you not wanting to cuddle back. J-Josh, it's all broken. It's like a smashed mirror, once it's smashed you can try to put it together but it will always have marks all over it. This will always be there and I can't look in the mirror when there are marks all over it." My croaky voice came out rough and hoarse. My throat was burning from a number of sobs and cries. "Simon, I need you to know that you don't need to look in the mirror. You just need a person to be with you and help you. Just let me do that. Please, Simon." He was pleading, however, he wasn't begging. The tension in the car grew so think that it could be cut with a sharp silver knife. I couldn't handle this conversation any longer. It would just end up the same way, both of us arguing about what our opinions were on the situation and which one was right. So I did what I was known best for; being a runaway baby.